Plum Done
by DaniUberAlles
Summary: Down to her last dollar and her last pair of pants Stephanie tries to get her life on track, but the more things seem to be working out, the more they fall apart. Rated M for language and some lemons. Cupcake and Babe fic all in one.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

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Today was a two layer mascara type of day. In fact, most every day for the last year has been a two layer mascara day. I'm Stephanie Plum, bond enforcement officer, sometimes girlfriend of Joe Morelli, proud owner of a hamster, part owner of a dog, and in serious need of a new job. When I started working at my cousin Vincent's bail bond company I never thought I'd keep the job, yet here I am still running around town chasing after skips, ruining all my best clothes in the process.

I was on my last pair of jeans. All the other pairs had rips in the knees, grass or food stains that wouldn't come out, or worse, burn marks from those angry arsonists who _really_ didn't want to be bothered with rescheduling their court dates. I was standing outside Lenny Cartwright's house, fuming at the fact that once again, I had a door slammed in my face. Lenny was FTA, which meant failure to appear, and it was my job to bring him to the cop shop so Vinnie wouldn't lose out on the bond money he'd put up for him.

As always I knocked on the door, gave my spiel about how I was just there to get him to reschedule and it would only take a little of his time. Lenny of course knew better, and that was when he slammed the door in my face. Of course I knew what would happen next, things always progressed the same from this moment. Inside there would be the sound of feet running through the house, Lenny would bust out the back door, I'd chase him, eventually catching him and pulling him down into a large pile of garbage. I'd catch him, cuff him, and haul him off to the station, but not before ripping the knees out of my pants, getting tomato sauce in my hair, and making the usual mess of myself, thus ruining my day, and my outfit, and providing all the cops at the precinct their much needed comedy relief.

If I weren't in desperate need of the money I would have just left. The truth of the matter though, was that my rent was due two days ago, and I had ten dollars in my purse. Even with eating dinner at my parents, and cutting back on my food spending I was barely making ends meet. Okay so maybe I had bought a few pairs of shoes that I probably didn't need, but if I was about to be homeless I'd need nice stilettos to make me feel better. So I was left with three options. First I could call Ranger, my mentor and the bane of my sexual existence. That option was out. I knew he'd help me, but the idea of owing Ranger never sat well in my stomach, or Joe's for that matter, and since we were in the middle of the on again portion of our relationship I thought it best to check out my other options. Option number two, I could call Lula, again, not my ideal choice. Lula was of the bigger persuasion, and a former ho' which gave her a very colorful wardrobe and view on life. My last option was to just go for it; after all, what was the worst that could happen?

Hearing rustling in the house I darted around the back and caught Lenny as he was jumping over the rusted chain link fence that surrounded the small dirt yard. My hands clasped tightly around his grimy white shirt and we both tumbled to the ground, landing on top of a week's worth of ripped up garbage bags. Great. According to plan I cuffed Lenny while he was distracted with trying to get the rotted pudding out of his hair.

We walked to the front of the house where my newest car was parked. The sight of it sent waves of nausea through my stomach, and I hoped that when I finally ran out of money, it would be the first thing to go. I wasn't sure what I was complaining about, honestly it wasn't the worst car I've ever had. For one thing it ran, and it wasn't the Buick, so it had that going for it, but that is where the positives ended. This car was purple, which would have been okay if it wasn't shaped like a jellybean. It was a late ninety's Geo Metro, with no hubcaps, and horrible neon pink pinstripes running down the side.

"You've got to be kidding me." Lenny was stopped dead in his tracks.

"No, I'm not. You're riding in this car, and if you refuse to get in I'll shoot you in the foot."

"Bullshit. You probably don't even have a gun."

That was true. As always my gun was at home in my cookie jar, and I hadn't loaded it in months. Sometimes I carried it in my purse, just in case I needed to hit someone with a heavy object, but that was a very rare occasion. I shoved and shoved until I got Lenny in the back seat. Honestly, the man had week old pudding in his hair and something I hoped was ranch dressing covering his shirt. Aside from all that he still felt the need to hunker down in the seat, hoping no one would notice him. Most of the people I pick up are embarrassed that they are being arrested; but lately they have all be more scared they'd be seen in the bubble car.

The Trenton Police department is kind of like that age-old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? In it's case the question is which came first, the building or the ghetto. Trenton PD is located in a brick building right in the middle of crime central. Attached to it is the courthouse, which is a good thing for most FTAs because they can instantly get bonded back out. I drove around back so I could drop Lenny off and get my body receipt, silently praying the dock lieutenant would either be new, or kind enough not to call the whole squad down to see me.

Luck was not on my side.

As soon as I walked in the door the phone was picked up and minutes later half the force was standing at the end of the hall, looking me over. Eddie Gazarra, a long time friend, was the only one to approach me.

"Say anything and I'll shoot you." I took my body receipt and turned to leave.

"We don't even get to hear the story?"

"You've heard this story twenty times before, it isn't any different than the last time." As I turned to face him I noticed he had his phone open in his hand. "Who are you calling?"

"I'm not calling anyone, I'm taking pictures." A smile spread across his face as the guys behind him backed up slowly. "We've started a bulletin board upstairs with pictures of you on it."

"Ugh." I turned on my heel and left, I didn't have the energy or enough mascara to care.

I climbed into the bubble and headed towards Hamilton so I could hand off the body receipt to Connie and get my money. Just as I pulled out of the police lot my phone rang. Morelli.

"What?" This wouldn't be good; it never was when he called so soon after I left.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. Who called you?"

"No one called me, Gazarra sent me the picture. Cupcake, you need a new job."

"Tell me something I don't know." And I hung up. I wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with him, _again._

When I pulled up to the bonds office Lula's firebird was parked out front. Odd, considering it was Friday, and Lula never came in on Friday anymore. Even more odd because half the time Lula never came to work at all. Soon after I started Lula was hired by Vinnie to do the filing. Her only qualification was that she wouldn't put up with his sexual harassment. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if Lula knew the alphabet.

"Let me guess," Connie said when I walked in the door. "Lenny Cartwright ran, you chased him, and somehow rolled in garbage."

"Isn't that how it usually works?" I dropped the papers on her desk and she pulled a checkbook out of her top desk drawer.

"With you it is."

Connie was about my age, but that is where the similarities stop. She had more of everything than I did, more attitude, more hips, more boobs, more hair. The last one wasn't anything I'd wish for though, since some of that hair found it's way onto her upper lip. Her desk sat right in front of Vinnie's door in order to keep people out, and as far as I knew, it worked. Connie may seem like your typical Jersey girl, but I knew she kept a few guns in her desk, and a few mob bosses in her family tree.

"Where's Lula?" The filing cabinets that sat in the hall leading to the back storage room were all open, as though someone were working at them.

"Right here." Turning around I saw Lula dressed, well, normal. She had on plain black slacks, with a white v-neck t-shirt and a blue blazer over it. The clothes actually fit her, and very little was hanging out anywhere. "Cluck in a Bucket was having a special so I made a lunch run."

"But your car was out front, how did you get there?"

"I walked."

"You walked?" My eyebrows shot up and my mouth dropped open. Lula didn't walk anywhere. She'd take her car to pick up her mail from the mailbox in front of her house.

"Hunh. People walk places all the time. You think I don't walk anywhere?"

"I know you don't walk anywhere."

"Well that was the old Lula. New Lula walks, and dresses for the job."

"What the hell happened to old Lula?"

"Don't ask." Connie whispered to me, and slipped me my check.

"You want lunch or not?" Lula was setting out the food on Connie's desk. A bucket of chicken, a tub of coleslaw, a tub of potato salad, a box of biscuits, and a chocolate cake. My mouth started to water as I took in the cake, but the smell of my clothes was making me slightly sick.

"Can't. I've gotta go home and shower."

"You know what your problem is?" Lula ask as she loaded her plate full of grease and food. "You don't dress the part. See, I figured it out. That's why I was such a horrible filer."

"You were a horrible filer because you never did anything." Connie said as she shoveled potato salad into her mouth.

"Shows what you know. I was a horrible filer because I still dressed like a ho'. Now that I dress like an office worker I'll be such an amazing filer you're gonna wanna give me a raise. You'll see."

That was my cue to leave. I slipped out the front door, and angled myself into my car. Driving down Hamilton I headed for my apartment. I live in a three-story brick building that is most filled with seniors, and one senorita. My place is on the second floor and overlooks the parking lot. Most people would think it was a horrible view, but in my own experience it has come in handy.

I hung my keys on the hook just inside the door, went in the kitchen to give my hamster Rex a carrot, then headed for the bathroom. Most people own laundry baskets, not me. Instead I have a garbage can that I throw all my ruined clothes in. Today the can was full.

After I showered until my skin was bright pink I felt disinfected enough to dry off and dress. Problem. I had no more jeans, the pair I had on was my last one. I found a pair of sweats, and pulled on a plain gray shirt that Morelli had left here. The fridge would be empty, and the thought of Chicken had me drooling slightly. I knew I should have stuck around and eaten before I left.

For dinner I could go to my parents house and bum food, but that was still hours away. Of course I could go for lunch, but one meal at my parents was enough, and I didn't want to explain why I was wearing pajamas around in the daytime. My mother would make the sign of the cross and pound back a shot of whiskey, and I would have to listen about how every other woman in the burg has a nice normal daughter. The burg is where my parents live, and where I'm always pulled back to. It's a blue-collar neighborhood where yards are small, families are close and your windows better be clean or your neighbors will talk. Everyone knows everything about everyone, and I mean _everything._

My mind was made up. I had my check in hand and I grabbed my shoulder bag and keys and headed downstairs for my car. The bank had a drive through, and so did Cluck in a Bucket. I could get my money and my food and no one would even see me. Taking the stairs I avoided contact with my neighbors, since they didn't walk well and relied solely on the elevator. God forbid we have a fire, again. Just as I got out into the lot I turned to look around and make sure no one would see me when I slammed into someone sending me falling back onto my butt. Great. If I ripped a hole in these sweats, I'd have to go out bottomless.

"Babe," Ranger was staring down at him, holding his hand out.

"What?" I screamed through gritted teeth. Don't get me wrong I love seeing Ranger, but not when I'm dressed in ratty clothes and still have something stuck in my hair that I'm calling grape jelly.

"Rough day." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Ranger knew everything, he knew more than the old ladies in the burg knew. And that was a lot.

"Lenny Cartwright."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. And I ruined my last pair of jeans. So now I am going to cash my check, get something to eat and find a way to get some real pants to wear."

"I've got a better plan, and it doesn't involve wearing pants." His fingers traced the line of my jaw and my legs instantly tightened.

"Would this plan involve fried chicken? Or chocolate cake?" My mind was blank, but my stomach was still sending transmissions to it.

"Babe,"

"Sorry, I'll have to pass." I wasn't even sure if Ranger had ever had chocolate cake, and I knew nothing I did with him would involve _real_ dessert. He kissed the top of my head and got into his black Porsche Turbo.

I climbed inside the purple bean car and headed for the bank, swiping another layer of mascara onto my lashes. That's the thing about burg girls. At a very young age we learn that if there is a problem, or stress in your life you eat a piece of cake and add another layer of mascara. Even if we go out in pajamas at least our lashes will look good.

After I hit the bank and got my bucket of chicken I headed off to 7-Eleven. Inside I rushed around, grabbing a six-pack of corona, a few candy bars, a jar of peanut butter and a loaf of crappy white bread. No one in the store gave me a second glance. Probably because the guy in the back of the store was wearing tight pink spandex shorts and a mesh shirt. Compared to him I looked like I was going to a debutant ball.

Clothes would have to wait. Maybe I could convince Lula to run to the mall for me and grab me a few pairs of pants and some shirts. After she got off work I'd give her a call, except I wasn't exactly sure when she'd get off work since Lula had never worked regular hours before. Reaching for my cell phone I dialed the office and asked Connie if Lula was still around.

"Hello, Lula speaking, how may I help you?"

"What?"

"What you mean what? It's the way you answer a phone when someone calls an office, don't you know nothing?"

"I just wanted to know what time you were getting off work."  
"You got another skip you going after? You need me to ride along?"

"Actually I ripped my last pair of pants, and I was hoping you could run to the mall and pick some up for me."

"Can't you just go?"

"I don't have anything to wear out, didn't you hear me? I ripped my last pair of pants!"

"Sheesh. You don't gotta yell at me. Not like I ripped your pants."

"Will you go for me or not?"

"Sure. Macy's is having a shoe sale and I need some more professional looking shoes. Maybe I'll get some of those loafers I always see the business folks wearing."

"Stop over and I'll give you some cash and you can take the tag off the old pair so you know what to get."

When I hung up I was nervous. Lula was in some new fashion craze and I had a feeling if I sent her off to get me jeans, she'd come back with something else, something she felt was more what a bounty hunter would wear. I was biting my nails when there was a knock on my front door. It wasn't Joe, because he had a key, and Ranger never knocked. Opening up I saw Dillion the apartment super.

"Hey. What's up?" I stepped back and let him into my apartment.

"Do you by chance have your rent? The building owners called me and asked if I could come get it."

"Oh yeah. Let me just grab it." Normally I mailed my rent in on the fifth. It was due on the first, and today was the tenth. "Sorry about that. Work hasn't been going so well."

"No problem. I told them I had it when they called and that I kept forgetting to send it in."

"Thanks. You want a beer?"

"Sure."

Dillion lived in the basement of the apartment with all the tools and the guts of the building. I was pretty sure it was haunted, but then again it could just be the sounds of old Mr. Kenner on the first floor echoing through the pipes. Dillion was about my age, and would fix anything for a six-pack.

"Well I've gotta go. The new tenant on the third floor has a leaky faucet."

"Bye. And thanks again for the rent thing. I owe you."

Closing the door I realized that I was in trouble. It seemed that I owed everyone these days. Dillion had just saved my apartment, my parents feed me several times a week, Ranger had done who knows how many favors for me, and one day I'd have to pay up. That though sent a shiver down my spine that was both scary and sexual. Ranger was the kind of guy you didn't want to meet in a dark alley, or a dark bedroom. He was dangerous, and mysterious, and filled with sexual tension. I'd spent a night with him once, and sometimes I'd have dreams about it, only to wake up in a cold sweat.

Lula arrived just as I was finishing off the last of the chicken. She was still dressed in her suit outfit, and I just realized her hair was black today, and fell in slight curls around her circular face.

"This is all you are allowed to spend."

"What the hell do you expect me to get with this? I couldn't even get you a decent pair of underwear with this."

"Well it's all I have."

"That's not true. I know you got more in there, you just don't want to give it to me because you don't trust I'll buy you the right kind of clothes. Well don't you worry cause I'm going to pick out just what you need."

"Oh god."

"Hunh. What you mean "oh god." You don't trust me? Did you even see what I put on today?"

"Yes, and that is why I'm worried. Look I don't want to look the part okay, I just need two pairs of jeans."

"You just sit tight and I'll be back in an hour with the perfect bottoms for you."

I rolled my eyes and mentally slapped my head. I should have asked Connie for help. Settling back on the couch I found a game to watch, opened one of my candy bars and started on a beer.

It was two hours later when Lula finally came back. She dropped the bag in the hall, handed me my change and took off, mumbling something about a date or washing her hair. My stomach was in knots as I took the bag into the bedroom and dumped it out on the bed. A small scream escaped from my mouth as I held up the contents.

Lula had picked out two pairs of pants. One pair was black and leather, with lacing up the side which I realized was the only way to keep the pants up. The other pair was bright red leathery vinyl, that had silver diamonds, hearts, covers and spades on the butt, and feeling lucky written about it. Also there was a bright pink leather vest, and a shiny black tube top.

"Okay," I said to myself. "Maybe they won't look as bad once you put them on."

I shimmied my way into the black pants, and put the pink vest on. Bracing myself I looked into the mirror I had to hold onto the wall to keep from falling over. The tears were starting to well in my eyes and I bit on my lip, forcing them back.

"This isn't so bad," I lied to myself. "You've worn worse." But it wasn't working because I couldn't think of anything worse.

The door opened and footsteps sounded in the hall. I peaked my head around the doorframe to see Joe standing in the living room, taking a drink from my open beer.

"You aren't answering your cell." He started to come closer and I stuck my hand out.

"It died. Don't come in here."

"Are you naked?" His hard brown eyes melted slightly at the thought.

"No. Worse."

"It can't be that bad."

"I ripped my last pair of jeans today and I had nothing to wear, so I sent Lula to the mall to get me new clothes."

"Okay, it could be that bad."

"Even worse, she is on this new dress for your job kick and she thought I needed to look more like a bounty hunter."

"Ha! I've got to see this." He took a few more steps towards me and I slammed the door closed. He opened it and I hid my face behind my hands. "Wow." He pulled me closer to him, kissing my neck softly.

"This is all I have to wear, and we are expected at my parents for dinner tonight. I don't know what to do."

"Cupcake, I know just what to do."

"You do?" I removed my hands from my eyes now. He was smiling at me, eyes intent on my face.

"I sure do." He leaned in and kissed me, brushing his tongue roughly against mine. "Take it off."

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A/N

I wrote this a few months ago and since 16 is finally out I thought it time to post it.

Thanks much to my beta who will never read these notes because she is in fact... my mother.

Yeah. I'm that cool.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too

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"Well if that isn't a pip of an outfit." Grandma Mazur was at the door waiting for us. Her hair was recently permed, and she was wearing her favorite mauve pants, with matching nails, and a floral top. "You think they make those pants in my size? I'd sure like to get a pair."

In the burg grandmas and mothers have a skill of knowing when one of their own is going to show up at their door. Every time I show up either my mother or grandmother are waiting at the door for me, usually holding their breath. Grandma Mazur loves my life, and most days wants to trade with me. She moved in with my parents a few years ago when grandpa Mazur took the shuttle to the big airport in the sky.

My father was in his usual chair in front of the television. He looked up when Joe and I came in, muttered something that sounded like wish I had a gun, and looked back at his paper. Joe joined him, making small talk about the game and other guy stuff and I slumped into the kitchen. As soon as my mother saw me, she made the sign of the cross and reached into the cabinet for her bottle. She took a few swigs and turned back to the stove.

"Don't you think my legs would look great in those pants?" Grandma asked as she looked me over. "Where do you get pants like that anyway? And how do you get in them without a zipper?"

I tried to change the subject as I saw my mother's hands turn white as she gripped the spoon. "So, what's for dinner?" Food was a good distraction for our family, and instantly she let out the breath she was holding.

"Ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, your grandmother made rolls, and chocolate cake."

"I could use some chocolate cake."

"Oh my god! Did you shoot someone today?" Her face was now turning white along with her hands.

"No! I hardly ever shoot anyone!"

"That's because you don't know how to have any fun." Grandma was coming in and out of the kitchen, getting the table ready.

"Why couldn't I have a normal daughter?" My mother was shaking her head, eyeing the door that hides her stash of whiskey. "Mabel Zimmerman's daughter works at a grocery store, she never wears leather pants, never shoots anyone."

"I never shoot anyone!" I screamed, hands in the air.

"Mabel Zimmerman's daughter never screams at her either."

"Well Mabel Zimmerman's daughter can kiss my ass!"

"Stephanie!" My mother dropped the spoon she was holding and grandma snuck out of the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, I'm having a bad day. I ripped my last pair of jeans, my rent was ten days late, I drive a car that looks like it's meant for clowns, and Lula went to the mall to get me new pants and came back with these." My hands were waving up and down excitedly, showing off the horrible clothes I was forced to wear.

"Well I heard Victoria's Secret was hiring. Maybe you should go down there and apply for a job."

"Dressed like this? Weren't you listening, I don't have any clothes to wear, and all my money is gone." I could feel the tears stinging my eyes and I fought them back. Crying was the worst thing that could happen. Our family doesn't handle crying well.

"How about tomorrow I go out and pick you out an outfit and an application."

"Hunh." I blew out a sign, ready to give anything a try. At least if I worked at the mall I would be close to a place to buy clothes. "Alright. I'll apply." I crossed my arms like a teenager and fought back the urge to stick my tongue out.

"Now, let's eat. You're father will throw a fit if dinner is late."

We went into the dining room then, carrying out the last of the food. Joe was already at the table, along with my father and grandma. When I sat down Joe leaned over and kissed the top of my head and whispered in my ear, "Hard to shoot anyone when you never carry a gun."

I elbowed him under the table and his smile widened. Morelli was nothing like he used to be, if he was he wouldn't be sitting at my mother's table. When I was a child, along with being taught the importance of a good lipstick I was warned about boys, and not just boys, but Joe Morelli. When I was still young and naive I played choo choo in his parent's garage. When I was a little older, and much more naive I played another type of game with him behind the éclair counter at the pastry shop I worked at. Now that I'm much older, and less naive I play all sorts of games with him anywhere I can. We fight a lot, which leads to the off again part of our relationship, but when things are good, they are _really_ good.

Morelli looks tough. He has a scar through his left eyebrow from a bar fight. His body is hard and muscular, and his dark hair is wild and always in need of a trim. He is a typical Italian boy on the outside, and a changed man on the inside. I once ran the old Morelli over with a car, and while sometimes I felt like doing that to the new Morelli, for the most part the only thing I wanted to do with him and a car involved the backseat and no clothes.

We left my parents house after two rounds of cake, more questions about the pants from grandma, and just before my mother finished off her fourth glass of wine. Morelli had driven us there in his new SUV because he refused to be seen in the bean. I couldn't blame him. Personally I'd rather walk or take a bicycle than drive the bean, but both of those counted as exercise and I was allergic to sweating. Okay, maybe I wasn't really, but saying it made me feel better about being lazy. He pulled out of his parking spot and headed for my apartment building. Not a good sign.

"So I take it we aren't spending the night together." I had the window rolled down because even though his car was brand new, it already smelled like dog.

"Can't. I've got a case I'm working on and I need to put some extra hours in."

Morelli was a plain-clothes cop, and a damn good one. In some ways he was married to the job, just like all the rest of them, but he usually could find time for me. Most of the time we didn't discuss his work. For one because it usually had to do with killings and brutal stuff that I didn't want to hear about. Another reason was because it was the job, and he kept the job and his personal life separate. Or as separate as I would allow him. Lately my personal life and his job seemed to cross paths a lot. Neither of us was very happy about it, considering it had resulted in a lot of near death experiences for me.

"I don't have to be at the station for at least another half an hour." His eyes were melting as we pulled into my parking lot.

"Let me guess, you were hoping I'd invite you up for a little while."

"Actually I was hoping we could christen the new car."

"You're joking right? It smells like Bob in here."

Bob was part golden retriever, part Hoover vacuum. He was dumped on me a few months back by a cop friend who said he needed a dog sitter, when in reality he needed a sucker to pawn Bob off on. Recently Bob decided he'd rather live in a man's house and moved his dog dishes over to Morelli's, which is fine by me because Bob has a tendency to eat all my favorite clothes. And let's be honest, I'm already running low on wearable items.

We were walking into my apartment, and Morelli was pulling open the strings on the side of my pants. I dropped my purse and keys on the floor as his mouth trailed up my neck causing my knees to buckle.

"These pants really aren't that bad. But I like the other ones better."

"Oh yeah? And why is that?"

"Because, they ask if I'm feeling lucky. And when I'm with you, I'm _always_ feeling lucky."

* * *

There was a pounding on the door, not hard and angry, but fast and urgent. I dragged myself out of bed, pulled on my sweat pants and staggered out my bedroom door. Pulling the door open I saw my mother, hair sticking out everywhere and my grandma behind here, yammering on about something that was obviously grating on my mother's last nerve.

"We just wanted to bring over the clothes we got for you, and the application." She handed me a Macy's bag, and a few pieces of pink paper. We went into the kitchen and my mother started a pot of coffee. Rex was still in his soup can and I dropped him a few cheerios and a carrot. He scurried out, shoved everything in his checks and disappeared again. Rex doesn't like visitors. Rex really doesn't like anyone.

"You know, I should have gotten myself one of those applications." Grandma was looking in at Rex, tapping her finger on the cage. "I could work there. You think they got an age limit."

"I'm not sure." My mother was gritting her teeth as she spoke and I knew she was dying for a little drink.

"Maybe I'll go back tomorrow and apply. You get a discount if you work there, and I sure did like those underwear. Though I don't understand some of them, the butt was missing. How can they sell underwear without a back on it? I'd complain if I got all the way home and realized half the fabric was missing."

My mother made the sign of the cross all the way down the hall. I locked the door behind them and went through the bag she'd brought. Inside there was two pairs of plain blue jeans, two black v-neck shirts, a black skirt and a red sweater. Perfect. Pouring myself another cup of coffee I went into the living room and switched on the TV. Nothing. I hit a few more buttons took the batteries out and put them back in. Nothing. My cable must have been shut off.

Great. Now I had nothing to do and nothing to watch. I could go to the office before Connie left for the day and see if there were any new skips, but I really didn't want too. And I mean I _really_ didn't want too. I'd just gotten these new jeans and it seemed like such a waste to trash them so quickly. Instead I decided to fill out the application for Victoria's Secret. I knew it was a long shot, but I figured there wasn't any harm in trying.

After I was done I showered, did the gel, curlers and spray thing with my hair, added two layers of mascara and gathered up my shoulder bag. It was still early in the day so the parking lot was empty. All the seniors were out getting their breakfast and shopping done. Angling behind the wheel I pulled the bean out of the lot and headed for Quaker Bridge Mall.

The lot was full and it took me a few minutes to find a parking spot. Everyone seemed to think that today was a great day for shopping. I felt the same way, but I had to remind myself I couldn't buy anything. Instead of going in through Macy's I took the food court entrance in hopes I could avoid the shoe section and buying another pair of black heels. Walking into Victoria's Secret I rushed to the counter, knowing if I looked around I'd end up leaving with a bag full of panties, the kind grandma was so confused about.

"Hi. I'd like to turn my application in."

"Let me get the manager." The girl behind the counter was early twenties, basic pretty, and all hair.

"Thanks." I waited around for a minute and a blonde woman came up to me, smiling and beaming as though she were in a pageant.

"Hi I'm Barbie, I'm the manager here. May I help you?"

"Umm, yeah. I'd just like to turn my application in."

"Oh great." She looked around to see if anyone was near. "We've had twenty people turn in applications in the last hour, and you're the only one who wasn't wearing orthopedic shoes. So you're hired."

"Don't you even want to look at my application? Or know what hours I can work."

"Honestly, we just need someone to cover a few hours every day. It would only be about twenty hours a week, you get 30% off and free samples when new lines are released. As long as you can work a couple hours a day and don't pee in a bag, I don't care if you've been arrested multiple times. So, do you want the job?"

"I'll take it." Crap. What was I getting myself into?

"Great, you can start tomorrow. You'll need to wear all black, and nice shoes, no flip-flops or sneakers. Be here at noon and you'll start your training."

"Okay. Thanks." And I left. Wow, that was fast.

So this was a good thing. Right? I mean I wanted a new job, I _needed_ a new job. But this was just part time, so I'd have to keep bringing in skips or else I'd be out on the street. But this was a start. My mom had just bought me a black skirt and black shirt, and I did have those new heels I'd been dying to wear. Maybe this was all a sign. Maybe it was supposed to work out this way.

One thing was for sure, I'd be keeping this job a secret for a while. The last few times I tried to get a job I never saw the second day. This would just be another pain in my mother's side for me to get a job and lose it within twenty-four hours. So I wouldn't tell anyone, that way if it didn't work out, no one would be any the wiser.

I left the mall then, knowing that my womanly urge to shop would break through my resistance at any moment and I'd be even farther down the hole. There really wasn't anything for me to do. It was a Saturday afternoon, the sun was out, I had my windows down and I wasn't even sweating. I drove past my parent's house but didn't stop. If I did I'd slip and tell her about the job, and I really didn't want to get her hopes up. Instead I went over to Morelli's. My plan was to take Bob out for a walk since I had a key but when I got there Joe's SUV was parked out front.

Walking in the front door I looked around. The house was trashed. There were beer bottles everywhere, empty ripped up wrappers and pizza boxes on the floor. Bob was sprawled out in a patch of sunlight and when he saw me walk in he jumped up and ran to me. As is customary for a Bob greeting he shoved his head in my crotch and wagged his tail. I found his leash on the table and hooked him in. We went down the street and he did his business and then we headed back to the house.

Just as we were walking up a familiar car stopped in front of the house. Joyce Barnhardt. To say I hated Joyce would be the understatement of the century. I guess in some ways I owed her. If I hadn't come home to find her on my brand new dining room table with my brand new husband I'd probably still be married, and horribly unhappy. She was dressed in her usual leather pants that stopped just above her crack, leather vest that pushed her recently bought boobs up and into her chin, and flaming red hair that matched her nails, and today, her shoes.

Bob bounded down the yard towards her, pulling his leash from my hand. His nose went right for her crotch but when he got there he backed away, cowering in fear. Bob had never had that reaction before and I sensed it was because another male dog had already marked Joyce's privates as his own territory.

"Is Joe home?" The smile plastered on her face was as fake as what she had under her vest.

"He's asleep right now. Long night." This could be true. If it wasn't, she'd never know.

"Well tell him I stopped by."

"Huhn. Sure." Like hell. I wasn't even going to mention this to him. She was up to something, and I was going to find out what.

When I took Bob back inside he raced up the stairs, and I heard him pawing at the door. I traipsed up after him and found the bedroom door closed. Pushing it open I was surprised to find Morelli asleep, sheets wrapped tightly around him, five o'clock shadow in full bloom. Instead of waking him I crawled in bed next to him, snuggling my arms around his waist.

"Good morning." I whispered in his ear as he started to stir.

"If you wanna make it a really good morning try moving your hands a little farther south." He rolled over then, pulling me in close so he could kiss my forehead.

"Long night?"

"I never made it to night. The day just skipped past it. I got in around four this morning."

"Big case huh?"

"Serial killer. He's targeting kids. I'm about one step behind him."

"Guess that means you better get up and moving so you can be one step ahead of him."

"That's the plan for today. I'll probably be gone all night again, and most of tomorrow. I've gotta catch this guy before he strikes again."

"If you're going after someone like that you really need to be rested. Why don't you sleep for another hour or so and then I'll wake you up." I was running my fingers through his hair, trying to knock him back out.

"Can't. What I need is a shower and a big cup of coffee. And," He had his hand up my shirt, tracing the line of my bra.

"Well I guess I could help you out there."

"You guess huh?"

He was up then, grabbing me around the waist and throwing me over his shoulder. With one hand he turned the shower on and threw me into the tub soaking my clothes all the way through.

"Jerk!"

"Just words cupcake." He was tugging at my pants, working hard to get them down but they were stuck to my legs. "A little help here?"

"You want it, you get it yourself. I'm not helping."

"I could just cut them off you."

"Don't you dare! I just got these pants."

"They are coming off one way or another, so you decide if you wanna help, or hinder the process."

"Sometimes I wonder why I even come over."

"I think I can remind you why."

* * *

Morelli had his coffee, hugged me, kissed me and then left. I was standing in the kitchen in a pair of his old basketball shorts and one of those t-shirts that comes in a three-pack bag when I decided I needed to find something to do. My best bet was to leave, but I figured I could at least make myself useful before then.

Starting in the living room I picked up all the trash, dusted and vacuumed, scrubbed and polished. The house was cleaner than normal, but it wouldn't pass a burg test. Just as I was finished up gathering the laundry there was a knock on the door. Walking down the stairs I didn't realize I still had clothes in my hand when I opened the door and almost screamed. Grandma Bella.

Grandma Bella was Joe's grandma and she was Satan. Okay so maybe she wasn't really Satan, but she was in my life. She hated me, and when she hated you you had to watch out. She could put the eye on you and make your hair fall out, or your teeth rot. Sometimes she had visions, most of which I didn't fully believe, but I half believed and it was enough to scare the bejesus out of me.

"I knew you'd be here. I had a vision. Living in sin with my grandson, the shame of it all. And look at you, flaunting his delicates around for the whole street to see!"

I looked down in my hand and realized I was holding Joe's boxers. Quickly I tossed them onto the chair behind me and turned back to the door. Joe's mother was standing behind his grandma, and even though she didn't like me all that well, she was more a fan of me than Bella was.

"Would you like to come in?"

"We can't stay long," his mother said. "We just stopped by to drop off this casserole and invite you both for dinner tomorrow night."

"Thank you. I'll let Joe know, but he said he will be really busy with work the next few days."

"Humph. Work. In my day a man always made time for his mother. He also didn't live in sin with a woman. When he found a woman he wanted he married her. Why hasn't Joseph asked you to marry him?" Bella was on her game today. She hadn't seen me in a few weeks and I was sure this was all pent up energy she just had to get out.

"I'm really not sure. Maybe he doesn't want to marry me."

"I can see you're point." She was looking me up and down, when suddenly she stopped. "I'm having a vision."

"Oh god." Joseph's mother was rolling her eyes, obviously she enjoyed the visions as much as I did.

"It is all so clear. I can see it now. Yes. Joseph will not marry you because he will be with her, with the other girl. She is the one he will bring home to us." She shook her head. "I'm tired now. I need to go rest."

"Make sure to tell Joe we stopped by." They both turned to leave then and I was left standing at the door, hanging on for dear life.

* * *

A/N:

Well thanks again to my mother, who beta's and calls me every day and tells me to send this to Janet. Haha, thanks for the advice mom, but no.

Thanks to all who have read, reviewed, and the like.

Keep it coming, and I'll do the same.

And to you Ranger ladies, never fear, he'll be here soon, and what a splash he'll make =]


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

Now that I had the whole day ahead of me, and Grandma Bella's vision running laps in my mind I had to get out of Joe's house. I grabbed Bob's leash, hooked him up and headed outside. We'd go to the park. After a lot of coaxing, and promises of pizza I finally got Bob in the bean. He crawled across the center console and into the back seat, lying down out of sight. Jeez. Even Bob was embarrassed of my car.

As we headed towards the park I realized something. I hate exercise. So I took a few back roads and changed directions, ending up parked in front of my parent's house. This was perfect. I could get Bob a treat, and get some for myself.

My Grandma Mazur was waiting at the front door when I pulled up. The idea of leaving the car had Bob so excited he almost got stuck trying to squeeze between the front seats. He bounded up the walk and shoved his nose in grandma's crotch when she opened the door, knocking her backwards.

"I once dated a man who greeted me the exact same way." She said as she pulled herself up off the floor. "He was a pip."

My father was gone for the day. He was retired from the post office and drove a cab now. Mostly that meant making a few runs in the morning and spending the rest of the day at the lodge, probably planning ways to dispose of grandma's body after he stabbed her to death with his dinner fork. My mother was in the kitchen ironing. To any normal person this would seem like a motherly thing, and nothing out of the ordinary. In the Plum household this was always a bad sign. Some people drink, or eat, or even weld when they are stressed out. My mother irons.

"Uh oh. She's ironing." I said as I helped myself to a slice of coffee cake.

"They're having a viewing at the funeral home today. Bernie Woodson is laid out and I have to go see him. You think they'll have an open casket? You know how I hate when they have the lid closed." Grandma was moving her uppers around in her mouth, once again, not a good sign.

In the burg funerals are like parties. We don't bother having all the neighbors over for barbecue, instead we all just meet up at the funeral home. Nothing says Saturday night like a casket and some box cookies.

"He was run over by a lawn mower, head first. I highly doubt they have the lid up. Not even Hollywood could fix his face."

"Drat. Oh well. Might as well go just in case. You never know. Those new guys that own the place are pretty darn good. You want to come along?"

"Yes she does." My mother looked up from her ironing and glared at me. I knew that look. That was the look that said 'you are going to go and watch your grandmother and if anything happens so help me god, there will be no cake ever again.'

"Sure. But I'll have to leave Bob here."

"Why don't you just take him home?" I wasn't sure if she meant my home or Bob's home. Or maybe she just assumed Bob and I had the same home now. After all, Morelli had been over for dinner so many times that by burg rules we were now married.

"Because I cleaned the whole place and I don't want him messing it up. Besides, Joe is working on a big case and he probably won't be home till tomorrow morning."

"He working on that serial killer?" Grandma's eyes were wide with excitement. The only thing the burg loved more than funerals was gossip. Most of the time when I was stuck on a case and needed help, I relied on the women of the burg to help me get information. "I heard all about it at the beauty parlor yesterday. Seems they are getting pretty close to catching him."

"I hope so." I sucked in some air, dreading what was about to happen. "Well I guess we should get going."

"Let me just run upstairs and change."

When my grandma left my mother stopped ironing and turned to me. Her eyes were pleading and I held my hands up.

"You don't have to say anything. I'll keep an eye on her. You really think I'd do anything to jeopardize my cake supply?"

A small smile formed on her face and then she was back to her shirt, which looked flat as a board. Grandma came back downstairs then, dressed in her mauve slacks and white short sleeve button up shirt. She had black patent leather slip on shoes and a matching purse that was bigger than she was. Grandma was known to carry concealed, claiming as an old person she had certain rights. I wasn't sure how that had anything to do with her age, but I let it go.

"You don't have a gun in that bag do you?"

"Who me?" She batted her eyelashes at me, which were thick with blue mascara.

"You know you aren't allowed to carry it in your purse, it's against the law."

"What law? I don't have to follow those laws. We senior citizens have our own set of laws. Besides, what if the serial killer is there? I need to be able to defend myself."

"First off we don't even know what he looks like. And second off he is targeting children." And I understood why. I'd caught several FTAs that were geriatric and I knew they didn't like to go along peacefully.

The funeral home wasn't far from the house. It was a white Victorian with green indoor-outdoor carpet on the large porch and a lot of renovations. Most of them were due to the fire that occurred soon after I got my new job. To say the fire was my fault would be to quote most of the town, but I knew from personal experience it only half was.

Also the business was under new management, again. Constantine Stiva used to run the place, but he is now in jail, thanks fully in part to me. After that a young gay couple bought the place, but thanks fully in part to Grandma Mazur and her coffin opening hijinks they have since moved on. Since then three other people have tried to run the business, but grandma has successfully driven them out. Maybe the US government should hire her. She'd be more helpful in war than any army.

The new owners were brothers. Both were short and squat with balding heads and ample ear hair. They were most likely in their late fifties, with strong North Jersey accents. Rumor around town was they were former mob bosses, and for their sake I hoped it was true. We made our way into slumber room three, through a large crowd of people. The whole senior center was there, as well as most of the burg. I held tightly to grandma's purse strap, determined not to lose her like I always did.

Okay, so maybe half the time I lost her on purpose. But some of these funeral directors needed to learn to be more prepared. If they couldn't handle grandma, they had no business running our funeral parlor. As we made our way up to the coffin we were intercepted by the brothers.

"Good evening. I'm Ronny, and this is my brother Andy." They both extended their hands to shake ours. "You must be Mrs. Mazur. We've heard so much about you."

"Oh yeah? Well it is all vicious lies."

"Is it? Such a shame, because we were willing to make you a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Grandma was moving her uppers around again.

"We would very much like to keep this job, and we foresee a lot of, shall we say stress, in the future from our encounters. What we offer is simple. No more coffin opening."

"What kind of a deal is that? You want me to do something and I don't even get anything from it." She looked antsy; her eyes were straying towards the closed lid, longing to pry it open. In the past she'd make up excuses for why the lid flew up, but recently she had either run out of things to say, or just didn't care. Grandma thought it was her right to see the deceased. After all, she did come all the way here, so they owed her.

"Here is the deal, you don't pull any more lids open and instead you go around and tell everyone how wonderful our services are. Drum us up some business." Ronny was doing all the talking. Andy looked as though he didn't have a brain in his head too talk.

"And in return?"

"In return we will let you see into all the coffins you want. After hours that is. Closed coffins are often closed for a reason, and we don't want everyone seeing in them."

Grandma's eyes lit up like a bulb on a Christmas tree. She steadied herself and tried to act nonchalant. "Hmm. I guess that could work. Deal."

"Great." Both men blew out a collective sigh and I could see the sweat forming on their heads.

"Well it was great to meet you both, but we really should go pay our respects now." I pushed grandma forward, ready to get on with the day.

"Don't that beat all? I feel like some kind of royalty now. I can't wait to tell the girls at the salon tomorrow."

"I don't think you're supposed to tell anyone about the deal."

"Really? They never said anything."

"I'm pretty sure that it was assumed you wouldn't. I mean this is supposed to be a secret deal. If it wasn't then they would let you look at the body right now."

"Maybe you're right. Good thing I'm so good at keeping secrets.

Ugh. Mental head slap. Grandma was horrible at keeping secrets. My phone rang then and I felt secure enough to leave grandma behind. I stepped outside and looked at the screen. Morelli.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not gonna be home until about four in the morning again. Do you mind taking care of Bob? You can just stay at my place if you want."

"Sure."

"Sure you'll take care of Bob, or sure you'll stay at my place?"

"Both." _Crap._

He hung up and I bit my lip. Okay, so maybe Grandma Bella's vision was getting to me. It was stupid to believe it, but at the same time, it didn't seem so far fetched. Morelli and I both knew that we had problems, the main one being commitment. Most of the time I would live with him for a couple months before we got in a fight over what kind of beer to buy and I slammed the door and went home. Deep down we both knew the problem was our jobs. He hated my job, hell I hated my job, but I wasn't about to admit that to him. I hated his job too, mostly because he felt the need to keep things from me because of it.

I took grandma home and decided since I was here I might as well stick around for dinner. We added an extra setting to the table and sat down just as the pot roast was coming out of the oven. Most days I was late, which in turn ruined the roast. I never understood how that worked. Why couldn't the roast be taken out whether everyone was here or not? It was some age-old burg cooking rule that I had never learned. Along with how to cook.

When dinner was over I took a bag full of leftovers and half a pineapple upside down cake. Getting Bob in the car was much easier with actual food in hand. He sat on the back seat, gnawing on a piece of pot roast as we headed back to Morelli's. Morelli and I were both children of the burg, but have since moved out. His house is closer to home, and more like a home. When his Aunt Rose died she left him the house, which at first I found odd, but over time has seemed to suit him. Joe's things have replaced most of Aunt Rose's, but her curtains still hang in the windows and it makes the house feel more homey.

I snuggled up on the couch with my second helping of cake and turned the TV on. Before I knew it I was asleep and it was dark outside. Bob was at my feet, whining, so I walked him into the kitchen and opened the back door. After a few minutes of sniffing and marking he came back inside and raced upstairs. Bedtime. Slipping out of my clothes I pulled on one of Morelli's oversized shirts and slid under the covers. Bob jumped up into bed next to me and we both drifted off.

I woke up to the sun streaming in, an arm under my shirt and a hand securely suctioned onto my boob. As I stirred the grip tightened and Joe pulled himself closer to me.

"Ouch. Do you have to poke me in the back so early in the morning?" I tried to pull away but it was no use, he had me in his death grip and wasn't letting go.

"This is your wake up call."

"Well I'm awake. Guess that means time to leave."

"Not so fast. Who cleaned the house?"

"Who do you think cleaned the house?"

"Hmm. Looks like I'm turning you into a housewife after all."

"Housewife my ass. That was a goodbye gesture." His grip loosened and I sat up.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're Grandma Bella came over yesterday."

"Oh great." He sat up too. Pushing his hair off his face.

"She had another vision."

"And you believed her?"

"What if I did?" I crossed my arms like a kid again, glaring over at him.

"Let me just ask, have any of the visions she's had about you ever come true?"

"Well," I thought about it, and he was right, but that didn't mean anything. Grandma Bella had a vision I was pregnant, one where I died, which later she told us I was also old in the vision, and one where I took a job with the circus. That one I thought she just made up to be mean, but when I thought about the clown car I was driving it didn't seem so far fetched. "That is beside the point."

"And what was this vision?" Joe was always Grandma Bella's favorite, but that didn't mean she was his. He never believed in the visions, or the eye, at least that is what he said, but I wasn't so sure he really meant it.

"She had a vision you were married."

"And you're leaving because you don't want to get married?"

"That's not the reason I'm leaving. I'm leaving because you were married to someone other than me!"

"You don't want to marry me!" He was yelling. I was yelling. Here came the fight.

"You don't want to marry me either! Obviously you want to marry someone else!"

"Look." He took a breath now, calming himself. He didn't want to fight, but that didn't mean I didn't want to. "I'm not marrying anyone right now. Not you, not anyone else. In fact, if I don't find this killer, I may not be living much longer because the boss will gut me. I don't want to fight, okay?"

"Fine." I really didn't want to either. Besides, the last time Grandma Bella had a vision about Joe and another woman having kids together it turned out she'd mixed him up with another guy. Maybe that happened here too.

"Now, I'm gonna shower and have some coffee and leftover cake." He leaned over and kissed just below my ear, making me tingle all over. "And I wouldn't be opposed to being a little late for work this morning."

"How late were you thinking?"

"That depends."

"On?"

"On how many pieces of cake you want."

Joe left in his usual fashion. A kiss for me, a head pat for Bob, another kiss for me. Once he was gone I left for home so I could get ready. After I'd showered, added two inches of height with my hair, three inches with my shoes, and an extra layer of mascara I put on my black skirt and one of the stretchy black V neck shirts and left. It was a few minutes before twelve when I pulled into the mall parking lot. I'd eaten the last of the leftovers for breakfast and helped myself to another piece of cake before I left my apartment.

Barbie was behind the register when I got to Victoria's Secret, filling out some forms and staring at a computer screen. Each of the girls working looked the same. All of them were around my height, but had a good three inches on me because they were much better with a can of hair spray. Barbie was wearing bright pink lipstick and nail polish, and a matching shirt under her jacket. I didn't have a jacket.

"I didn't know if I needed a jacket or not. I don't really own one right now." I said as she made her way over to me.

"Don't worry about it right now. Let's just get you started."

She took me around and showed me the different rooms in the store and explained what each one held. All the times I'd been here I never even realized the way the store was set up. She put me to work right away, going through all the drawers and making sure the underwear was folded right and the bras were stacked just so. This is what I would be doing for the rest of the day, which would only be a few more hours. Every time I got a drawer done, someone would come along and look through it, messing everything up again.

I'd been there for five hours and my feet were killing me. Next time I'd wear shoes with less of a heel. Barbie came over and told me I could go and that tomorrow I should come in at the same time and she'd teach me how to work the dressing rooms before I worked on drawers again. The work was boring and frustrating. I mean, how hard is it to put underwear back the way you found it? That made me think back to all the times I'd shopped there and had just thrown things around. It also made me wonder what the suicide rate was for panty folders.

Driving home I was on autopilot so it surprised me when I pulled up in front of Morelli's. It must have been the pull of cable that worked and Bob. I got out, used my key to get in and stepped aside as Bob raced out the door and onto the dried up yard. He found his favorite yellow patch of grass, pulled a leg up and exhaled with relief. When I got inside I looked around. No food. I pulled out my phone and called Joe.

"What?" His tone was short and I brushed it off, it was the case, not me.

"I just wanted to see if you'd eaten already, or needed me to bring you something."

"Oh. The guys and I just ordered Pino's. But thanks."

"Sure. What did you get?"

"Meatball subs."

"Bob heard that, and he's drooling on the couch now."

"I'm sure Bob's not the only one drooling."

"True."

"I'll call in an order for you two. Do you want it delivered or do you wanna pick it up?"

"Delivered."

"Alright. You staying over again?"

"Sure. I just need to go grab Rex and some clothes."

"I love you."

"I L-l-like you." _Shit._

He laughed and hung up. Well dinner was taken care of, now to just work on my stutter problem. I knew I loved Morelli, that wasn't the problem. Actually I'd known it for a while, and he knew it too. The problem was telling Morelli. I'd actually been able to say it once, but that was about it. The thing was when I said it, it was right after one of the scariest moments in my life, a moment when I thought I was going to lose him forever. So at the time saying I love you didn't seem like such a big deal compared to what could have happened. But when I was sitting on his couch having just handled underwear all day, it didn't seem so easy to say.

I went upstairs and found a pair of sweatpants to pull on. Tossed my shoes and skirt in the corner of the room and climbed onto the couch. There was a game on, a few re-runs of _Friends_ and a made-for-TV movie. I settled on the game and waited for my food to arrive. Maybe after it got here I'd call him back and be able to say it. Could just be that I needed to do it on a full stomach. That probably wasn't true, but who knows. After all, food is a pretty powerful thing.

* * *

A/N

Thanks again to my beta-ing mother, who ever time I call says "I was just working on your story." Which is either ESP, or a sign she has to do a lot of work.

As always thanks to all who have read, reviewed, liked, and all that mumbo jumbo.

I must say that I was a little late and JUST finished reading 16. But as always it was amazing.

To the babe girls, keep holding out, I promise he is coming, and WILL be worth the wait. =]


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

"Today I'm going to show you how to fit people for bras." Barbie was in her trademark neon pink and I was once again in a black skirt and shirt. "It's really very simple, and there is just a small equation you have to memorize."

She pulled out a fabric measuring tape and showed me the place to put it in order to take the measurement. Then she showed me the numbers on the back that told me how to determine cup size. It all seemed pretty simple and I tested it out on myself. Yeah. I really didn't like this knowing the actual size deal.

The morning had gone the same as the one before, well it was the same except Joe and I didn't fight. I was at work again, working on stacking all the bras when a little old woman who looked to be about 150 tapped me on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, I was hoping you could help me."

"Sure, what can I do for you?"

"I'd like to try this on." She held up a bright red bra, with lots of padding and lace.

"Alright, let me just get you a dressing room."

I took her to the back of the store and set her up in the first stall. I told her to let me know if she needed anything else and I placed myself at the entrance of the hallway like I was told. After a few minutes I stepped towards her room and cleared my throat.

"Is everything going okay in there?"

"Not really. I can't figure this damn thing out." She flung the curtain open and I felt my jaw hit the floor. She was topless and had managed to get the bra so twisted that one cup was on correctly and the other was around her shoulder. "You think you could help me with this."

"I, umm." I wasn't sure if this was in my job description, but no one was around to ask so I stepped in the room and closed the curtain.

The straps were around her arm and so twisted I couldn't just pull them off without pulling her shoulder out of it's socket. The clasp in the back had disappeared. I looked and looked but I couldn't figure out what she had done with it. Pulling and pushing I worked to get the bra off but nothing was helping. During all the moving the cup came off her breast and she was now fully exposed, and the sight wasn't pretty. Now that the bra was looser I was able to pull it easily from her and help put it on properly. Never in my life had I put a bra on someone else before and it wasn't something I wanted to do again.

"You know, I don't think I like this one. Thanks anyway." She dressed and exited the room, heading straight for the front of the store.

"Christ." I was sweating now and I walked back to the table where the bra belonged.

"I see you met old Aggie." One of the younger girls was standing there, wearing a headset and organizing the table.

"Does she come in a lot?"

"Every Monday. Never let her try anything on, she is blind as a bat and dyslexic. Makes for a hell of a problem."

"Too late."

"Ha! Well at least you've been properly initiated into the team then." She laughed as she walked away, heading behind the counter to check customers out.

When the clock struck five I bolted. Somehow I had made it through my second day, and this was a new personal record. To reward myself I hit up Macy's finding a black blazer on sale, and a new pair of heels that would be more bearable to stand in. Just as I was pulling up to Morelli's I saw Joyce standing at the front window, peaking inside. I parked and got out, cautiously making my way towards her.

"What are you doing?"

"Just looking for Joe. I thought he'd be home by now." She looked like a fire hydrant in her red outfit and I really wanted to let Bob loose on her.

"Nope, sorry. Big case. He usually isn't home 'til late."

"You don't say. I thought they caught the guy yesterday. Wonder what he was doing after?" She smiled and turned to go towards her car.

"Bitch."

"Whore."

"Slut."

"Ha. That's not what Joe calls me." She got behind the wheel, waved her fingers at me and left.

Smoke was rising off the top of my head; I could hear the steam whistling out my ears. I didn't for one minute believe anything Joyce said. I also didn't believe that. Slamming the door open I grabbed my phone. Punching the numbers in.

"Yeah?"

"Did you catch him?" I screamed into the phone.

"Jeeze, why are you screaming?" I could picture him pulling the phone away from his ear, so I calmed myself down.

"Did, you, catch, him?" My hands were shaking, my vision was blurring, and I was holding my breath.

"Yeah, we caught him. What's going on?"

"What's going on? Maybe I should ask you that!"

"Look, I don't have time for this right now, I'm buried in paperwork." He would be looking down at his shoes now, trying to keep his Italian temper from flaring up. "I'll see you when I get home."

"And when will that be."

"Later." And he hung up.

"Jerk!" He was already gone, but it made me feel better.

I was pacing now. Trying to figure out what to do. Heading upstairs I gathered up my clothes, toothbrush and all my various toiletries I had and carried them out to my car. I felt bad about leaving Bob alone for who knows how long so I put him in the car too and drove to my parents. This may have been a record for me. Not since I moved out had I eaten dinner at their house so many times in one week, and it was starting to worry me.

We had just sat down and my father was about to spear a pork chop when the door opened. Footsteps echoed in the hall and Joe emerged in the doorway.

"Sorry I'm late. I hope its not too much trouble me just showing up like this." He was from the burg, so he knew just what to say to get a burg mother to feed him.

"Of course not." My mother was up and adding another plate to the table. When he sat down I edged my chair away from him slightly, no one but him seemed to notice.

"Something wrong?" His mouth was on my ear, and it felt good, but I fought back the urges.

"Huhn."

"I take that as a yes."

"Take it as whatever you want, and get out."

"Stephanie!" My mother had dropped her fork when she heard me.

"Must be her time of the month." Grandma said as she piled mashed potatoes on her plate.

"It is _not_ my time of the month!"

At that my father stopped, fork halfway to his mouth, mumbled something about hormones and women and kept eating. The rest of the dinner continued in silence. It was tradition not to talk much during dinner, after all the food was the reason we were there, but this was extra silent. After some coffee cake and a bag filled with leftovers was made I headed for the front door. Morelli loaded Bob into his SUV and walked over to my car, glancing in the back seat.

"Not staying the night I take it."

"Never again."

"Never is a pretty big word."

"When did you catch the serial killer?"

"What?"

"When did you catch him?"

"Yesterday. Why does it matter?" He was moving closer to me, trying to pull me into him, and I wouldn't let him.

"Why didn't you tell me that? And why did you still come home so late?"

"Cupcake, you were passed out when I got home, how could you possibly know what time it was?"

"That doesn't matter. What matters is Joyce Barnhardt was looking in your window when I get back from the mall today and she knew you'd caught the killer yesterday. Why does she know and I don't?"

"Because she is nosey. Is that what this is all about? Joyce?"

"Maybe." I was softening up. I knew all he had to do was kiss me and I'd cave and go home with him. He knew it too.

"I'm not into animals." Everyone knew Joyce was a freak. She was one of those people who liked to bark and experiment. Sometimes those experiments included animals. At least that was the word on the street, and usually the street was right.

"You have Bob."

"Bob is a companion, not a partner." He slid his hands up my shirt then, running his fingers along the line of my bra.

"Well I guess I could stop over for a little bit tonight."

"That's all I'm asking."

"That isn't even close to all that you're asking."

"True."

As always Morelli was up at the crack of dawn. For breakfast we had left over coffee cake and sex. I still wasn't sure which one I had enjoyed the most. He headed off to the station to finish off his paper work and I went home. The best thing about a hamster is that they don't need much attention. Still I felt bad about leaving Rex alone for days at a time and I decided that tonight I'd take him back to Morelli's with me.

This was my third day on the job, and I was ready to call Guinness and have it put on the record books. After today I would get a day off, which was good because I needed to check in at the bonds office and pick up any new skips that Connie had gotten in. Today was just like all the other days except I didn't have to deal with Aggie and I had a blazer on so I matched everyone else. Just as I was about to leave Barbie came up to me.

"So how do you like it?"

"It's great." So that was a lie, but it was better than the time I worked at Cluck in a Bucket.

"Did you see the new panties we just got in?"

"Yeah, I can't wait to get a few pair. Bob ate all my good ones."

"Oh." Her eyes grew to the size of tennis balls and she stepped back a little.

"Bob is my dog."

"Oh! Well you should get some then. A girl always needs new panties."

"That's true, but I only have about $21 to my name."

"Well that's perfect! They are five for twenty, which means new panties and money to spare."

"I really _could_ use a new pair."

"Might as well get five then."

I left the store with my little pink bag and a smile on my face. There is just something about new underwear that makes everything seem okay. Of course now I was broke, and I wouldn't get a paycheck for at least another few days. That meant I'd have to pick up at least one skip. Even a low bond one would give me some spending cash. The way things were looking I'd have to move back home or in with Morelli, but I'd cross that bridge when rent day came.

My plan for the evening was to drive to my apartment, gather up Rex and some clothes and find a way to get dinner that didn't involve my parent's house. When I got to my lot it was full of cars and I had to park at the back by the dumpster. Most of the exterior of the dumpster was charred from all the various cars I'd exploded. That was my luck. Most of those cars I actually liked, but this car was going to turn out to be invincible, just like the Buick.

Mrs. Bestler was in the elevator when I got in. She was eighty something years old and lived above me. Most days she rode the elevator for something to do.

"Going up. Second floor ladies handbags and delicates. I see you've already made a trip to this floor." She smiled as I got off, naming off all the items one could find on the floor above.

My apartment was quiet when I walked inside. Rex was running on his wheel and the sound echoed off the walls. I put a carrot in his dish and gave him fresh water. When I walked into the living room I saw someone sitting on my couch. He was dark skinned with long dark hair and a solid frame. Ranger.

"Breaking into my apartment again?"

"Nothing was broken."

"True." Ranger was like smoke. He could go into a room and no know would ever know he had been there. Somewhere in his life he had acquired skills I couldn't even dream of. One of which was opening multiple locks without a key or breaking anything.

"Haven't seen you in awhile. Did you quit again?"

"No." I quit working for Vinnie once. That was when I tried a few odd jobs, which lasted all of ten minutes before I worked for Ranger. Ranger owns a building in downtown Trenton where he runs RangeMan, his security company. "I've just been a little busy lately. I was going to go in tomorrow and see if Connie had anything for me. Gotta pay the rent after all."

"You know if you need money I can always give you a job working for me."

"Sorry, I ruined my last RangeMan outfit last month." All of Ranger's employees and Ranger himself wore black. Black pants, black shoes, black socks, and though I didn't know about the rest, I knew Ranger even wore black underwear.

"Babe, this job wouldn't require clothes."

He left then and my legs were still shaking five minutes later. Once I'd calmed myself down I gathered up all my things, shoved them in a bag and put the bag on top of Rex's cage. We took the elevator because I had a feeling I'd topple down the stairs from the weight and the hormones. Mrs. Bestler was gone which was good because I wasn't sure I was up for hearing her say 'women's delicates' again. Halfway to Joe's I called him to see what time he would be home.

"I should be there in about an hour. Want me to pick up a pizza?"

"Sure."

"The Usual?"

"Sounds good. Oh and by the way, I bought new panties today."

"And do I get to see them on you?"

"Actually I wasn't planning on wearing any."

* * *

"Where have you been? You haven't been in since last Thursday. Do you think these FTAs are just gonna turn themselves in?" Vinnie was in a mood. He obviously hadn't had a nooner this week, and more than likely Lucille, Vinnie's wife, wanted some new furniture and what Lucille wants Lucille gets. That is one of the luxuries of having a father named Harry The Hammer.

"I've been busy. I do have a life you know."

"No actually, I didn't know." He went back into his office and slammed the door.

"What was all that about?" I asked Connie once I heard the locks click into place.

"We have a stack of seven skips and right now you're our only employee."

"What about Ranger?"

"He hasn't done a skip for Vinnie in three weeks. Though he may do one here soon if things don't work out like Vinnie wants."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I was sitting in one of the chairs in front of Connie's desk leaning in with excitement.

"Did you hear about the serial killer?"

"Of course. What about him?"

"Well Vinnie bonded him out."

"What? Why would he do that?"

"Because it was a good business investment. The bond is worth half a million."

"Whoa. How does a guy like that come up with that kind of money?"

"Don't ask me. But if he skips you can bet Ranger will come in and clean up. Just think of the money you'd make off that."

I was. When someone misses their court date the legal system holds onto the bond money. Then when they are caught and brought back in the bond is returned to the company and the enforcement officer who brought them in gets ten percent. And ten percent of half a million was enough to make my mouth water.

"Here are the skips we have now." She passed me a few folders and I looked through them. "Funny how after a while you start to have these people memorized. You would think they would learn."

Connie was right. Over half of these guys I'd already brought in at least once. And lucky for me most of them were easy captures. Two of the guys on the list were so old and forgetful all I had to do was say I was there to pick them up for their appointment and they would get in the car no questions asked. None of these bonds were very big, but if I brought them all in I could pay off my credit card and start spending again.

"Hey. Where's Lula?"

"When I said you were the only one Vinnie employs, I meant it. Lula left. She figured with her new wardrobe she could get a better paying job. Too bad no one told her that new clothes didn't come with new skills. I'm sure she'll be back before the end of the week."

Putting the folders in my bag I left the office and got into my car. Mike Nice and Marty Weiss were first on my list. They were the two that would go easy, and I figured since I had been off the job for almost a week I should ease back into it. I pulled up in front of the complex they both lived in. This was not only convenient but a time saver. I knocked on each of their doors, gave them some line about an appointment and loaded them into the car. The problem was it was a two-door car and since they were both older than dirt it was hard to get one of them in the back seat. After a few minutes of pushing and rearranging we were off to the cop shop.

It was business hours so I parked out front and walked them in the main entrance. Most likely both of them would be out in no time, and since they were just arrested for minor crimes, I wasn't bothered by this. What I was bothered by was the fact that there was once again a serial killer on the loose. I was sure there was some kind of misunderstanding and Connie was wrong, but I wanted to find out for sure.

Dropping off my skips I got my body receipt and then asked if Morelli was around. A few minutes later he came down the hall and we walked out the front door together. The sun was bright and there was a light wind so I pulled my arms across my chest to keep warm.

"When you do that, you make it hard for me to concentrate." His eyes were stuck on my chest and I realized I had given myself Connie amounts of cleavage.

"I heard that Vinnie bonded the serial killer out. Is that true? I didn't think that was even legal."

"We don't have enough evidence to ban a bond. If we did he would be sitting in a jail cell right now instead of his house."

"Are there limits to where he can go at least, I mean, is someone watching him."

"He has a house arrest ankle guard on and we have patrol cars watching him at night. That is always when he attacks, and since we can barely afford to run electricity in our building, that was all the man power we could spare." He leaned in and kissed my forehead before turning to leave. Halfway up the stairs he stopped. "Come to think of it, this is the first time you've been here in almost a week. Giving up bounty hunting or just having a slow week?"

"I took a few days off. My wardrobe needed it."

Driving back towards the office I called Lula, knowing I could use the help with the next few skips.

"Lula speaking, how may I help you?"

"Is this for real?"

"What you mean is this for real? That's how I answer the phone now, of course it's for real."

"Want to help me with a few skips?"

"I don't know, I got this here nice suit on and you don't wear a nice suit to pick up criminals."

"You could change."

"I just got dressed, and that would be a waste of an outfit."

"How about if you drive, then you wouldn't have to get out and ruin your clothes."

"Maybe I could do that. I am kinda hungry and I heard Cluck in a Bucket has a new breading for their wings."

"Okay. Meet me at the office in half an hour then."

My plan was to go back to the office, give Connie my receipts and get my checks, then cash them, and stuff my face full of chicken. The reality of it was I was rusty, and as much as Lula was a pain, and worse than me, I needed a sidekick. Actually what I really needed was some courage. So I would do what I always did, add a layer of mascara, fluff my hair out and have some chocolate cake. It may not be liquid courage, but it was the best I had.

* * *

A/N

Thanks as always to my wonderful mother for Beta-ing and planning lots of trips with me.

Thanks to everyone for reading, and even more to those who leave me nice reviews. Everyone should do that, cause if you do, I'll give you more Ranger. =] Lots and LOTS of Ranger.


	5. Chapter 5

Lula pulled up in her firebird in a suit. And I mean a full on suit. She was wearing black pants and jacket, a white shirt, with a bright orange vest and tie. On anyone else it would have made them look like a Halloween float, but on Lula it worked. Something about her just had to stand out, and even she couldn't dress fully normal.

"We going to eat first, 'cause you know I can't do this on an empty stomach. I mean I know I'm just driving and all, but if I get hungry I'll have to leave, and what kind of friend would I be if I left you stranded?"

My eyebrows rose half an inch at the statement. "You've left me stranded multiple times."

"Yeah, but that was on account of we was at a police station, and you know how that place gives me the runs. I was doing you a favor. Didn't want you to have to be around when they hit."

"Gee, thanks."

"Huhn." She put her hands on her hips and swung her head forward, pursing her lips out. "Well you ain't gotta get snippy about it. I might just take myself on home and let you drive yourself around. I got more important things to do anyways."

"Like?"

"Like find me a new job. I need to work somewhere where I get paid based on my skill level."

"You file one hour a week, I think you're getting more than paid for the work you do."

"Show's what you know. I been filing like crazy these last few days, but you wasn't around to see. Speaking of that, where you been? Vinnie's been going crazy. He actually got ready to call Joyce and rehire her but Connie and me told him to wait a few more days. Good thing you showed or else she'd be out here catching skips."

"Well I guess we better get going then. Wouldn't want Vinnie to do anyone any favors."

We climbed in Lula's car and I swore I could feel my teeth rattling loose from my jaw as she turned the music and bass up. At Cluck in a Bucket we got an assortment of wings, some sides and a whole bucket of biscuits. Lula ordered a gallon of coke, I stuck with a large. Pulling the files out of my bag I flipped through them.

"How about we go after Ernie Teller."

"That name sounds familiar. Did we already bring him in once?"

"Yeah, he was the one that threw mashed potatoes out the window at you when you called him a crazy ass cracker."

"Well he is. What he get picked up for this time?"

"Assault with a deadly weapon."

"Maybe we should skip over that one. It ain't that I'm scared, its just that I'm full, and if he gonna be throwing food I want it thrown at me on an empty stomach."

"Good idea. How about Jason Barnes. Says here he is wanted for armed robbery."

"That might not be too bad. Anyone less crazy?"

"He looks to be the least. And on the bright side it says here he held up a fast food store, and the deadly weapon was a can of wasp repellant."

"Huhn. Crazy ass cracker."

Lula parked the firebird outside of Jason's apartment complex. The building was brick, one story, and had probably seen better days. His address was the end unit and we walked our way down, listening for any signs that someone was home.

"I thought you were staying in the car?"

"Yeah right. You know how many cars you've gotten blown up. I'm not sitting in there in case your luck strikes again. I just bought this suit."

"Fine, but let me do all the talking and no shooting."

"You always got the same rules. Don't you ever change nothing up? Variety is the spice of life, that's why they got those mix and match meals at fast food places."

I turned to glare at her and she stepped back. "Jeez, must be someone's time of the month."

"It is _not_ my time of the month!"

"Huhn."

"Just go take the back door okay?"

"You ever heard of please? Sure works a lot better when you say please."

"Please." My teeth were slammed together and I could feel my eye starting to twitch.

Just then the front door opened and a man stuck his head out. "Could you please keep it down out here, some of us are trying to sleep." He was wearing cut off sweats and nothing else. His beer belly was covered in hair and orange cheese crumbs and the hair on his head was thin and gray.

"Jason Barnes?"

"Yeah, who wants to know?"

"I'm Stephanie Plum, I'm here from Vincent Plum Bail Bonds. You missed your court date and I just need to take you down town to reschedule."

"I don't know. You don't look like you represent anyone but Wal-Mart."

I resented that. I was wearing new jeans and a plain white shirt I'd found on Joe's floor that was most likely clean. It was a little too big for me, but not noticeably. Lula stepped forward then and I felt the color drain from my face.

"Pay her no mind. If you would just come with me I'll take you to the court and we'll get you all set with a new appointment."

"Okay, let me just put on some clothes."

This was the point when everything always went wrong. Every time someone said to give them a minute they bolted, either out a back door, through a window, or out some secret passage that I never could find. The problem was today I didn't care. Let him run, so what? Right now I was letting Lula run the show, and when he ran I would blame it all on her. Two minutes later we were still standing outside and in one more minute I'd mark him as gone. Just then the door opened and Jason Barnes came out, fully dressed and ready to go. Damn it.

On the way downtown we stopped and picked up another skip, this scenario played out just as the one before had, but the guy got a few more insults about me in before Lula took over. I was completely and utterly stunned. Maybe Lula was actually on to something. Honestly I didn't want to believe it, but it was hard to deny that she had had much better luck than me. Hell, maybe it was just because I was off my game today. That reasoning sounded much better.

"You aren't going to leave when I go inside are you?"

"Do you know who you're talking to? I'm a changed woman."

"Okay, but are you going to leave?"

"Huhn."

That was all the answer I would get from her. I lead the two skips inside, collected my body receipts and got a lot of disapproving looks from the guys hanging around. Carl Constanza was coming out of a door in the hallway when I was waiting on my last paper. Carl and I went way back, and recently he'd had the pleasure of responding to most of the calls that came in involving me.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just brought in two skips."

"Funny. What are you really doing here?"

"Really, I just brought two in."

"But you're clothes aren't torn and you don't have salad dressing in your hair."

"Guess I'm getting better every day."

I left then. I was a good liar, but I didn't want to say much more or I'd give away my secret. When I got to the lot I looked around and sure enough, Lula was gone. Reaching in my purse I pulled out my phone to call her but it went straight to voicemail. Great. Not only had she stranded me, but she was ignoring my calls. Oh well, she'd have to talk to me some time if she wanted her portion of the money. Looking out in the lot I spotted a familiar car and I dialed my phone.

"Yo." Ranger always kept it simple

"Yo yourself. What are you doing at the station?"

"Paperwork. I'll be out in a minute."

He disconnected and I sat down on the top step. Life with Ranger in it was complicated. My feelings for him were strong, but they were different than the ones I had with Joe. Ranger wasn't emotionally available, and though at times that made things easier, it wasn't exactly what I wanted. Marriage, and a family, and talk of feelings were all things that were on Ranger's no go list. He had been married once, and even had a daughter that he literally gave his life for, but that was all in his past. Most people couldn't tell what Ranger was thinking or feeling, but during the time I had spent with him I was slowly learning how to read him.

"What's the paperwork for?"

"Tim Stringer."

"Who's Tim Stringer?"

"Serial killer."

"Oh. Did he skip bond or something?"

"Not yet, but we're trying to keep him from doing it. The police have handed his surveillance over to me since they don't have the staff or equipment for that sort of operation."

"What kind of paperwork did you have to fill out for that?"

"Something new they just drew up. Basically it says I won't kill him while he is in my custody."

"Does this paperwork mean they do or don't know you?"

"Let's just say it was your boyfriend's idea." He pulled me into him then and kissed me. There was no tongue but it was enough to make my heart stop for a minute. "Where's your ride."

"She took off."

"Get in."

Today Ranger was driving the Porsche Turbo. All Ranger's cars were black, their origin unknown and probably questionable. But none of that mattered. I'd driven some of his cars before, most of which met a horrible ending, and they were always perfect. They smelled of new car and Ranger's delicious Bulgar shower gel, they all had lock boxes under the seat with a gun in them, and were tracked twenty-four seven by his staff.

"Babe."

"Sorry, I was just smelling."

"Miss me?"

"Something like that."

I did miss Ranger in some ways. In other ways I was scared to be alone with him. Sometimes I wasn't sure I could control myself around him much longer and one of these times I'd just jump him. Not that he would mind, but there was _no way_ Joe would go for that. They had a working relationship that allowed them to be civil and put things aside to bring in the bad guys. But when it came to personal they would kill each other, and I worried it was over me. Okay, I didn't really worry about it, but I knew it was about me, and that didn't really sit well in my stomach.

"I don't want to get in the middle of things, but there is something I think you should know." We were parked in front of the bonds office and he was staring straight out the window, not looking at me. This couldn't be good.

"Okay. What's up?"

"Joyce Barnhardt was at the station today."

"Great. Let me guess, she was looking for Joe?"

"She was in his office with him for awhile. I'm not saying anything happened, but I know how she is, and I just thought you should know."

"You know, most guys would tell a girl this to get in their pants."

"Babe," He leaned over across me, pulling the handle to open the door before kissing me on the cheek. "If I wanted in your pants, I'd be in them."

And that was true. I composed myself enough to be able to walk and exited the car. Connie was staring out the window at us and bouncing in her seat as I walked through the door.

"What was all that about? Did he just kiss you on the cheek?"

"Lula abandoned me at the station and Ranger just happened to be there so he gave me a ride. And yeah. He umm, he kissed me on the cheek."

"Oh my." She was fanning herself with her hand now. And I knew just what she meant. "You smell like him. Its almost too much."

"I'll just go then, can you make half this amount out to me and half to Lula?"

"Half? I thought you gave her thirty percent."

"I should give her all of it. She practically handled both of them by herself."

"Lula?" Connie stopped writing and looked up at me.

"Don't ask."

* * *

Morelli brought home subs for dinner. Most people would get tired of meatball subs every day, but we weren't most people. He was finishing off his second beer when the phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket, looked at the screen and hit the end button as his eyes rolled up in his head.

"Who was that?"

"No one important."

"Huhn." Now I was curious. "Want another beer?"

"Trying to get me drunk?"

"Maybe." In reality I wasn't. I was trying to distract him so I could get his phone and see who had called. Something made me think it was Ranger calling, but then again, he probably would have answered.

"I'm gonna take Bob out and then, yes, I'll have another beer." He kissed the top of my head and I made a show of picking up the trash and heading for the kitchen.

As soon as he was out the door I quietly ran back into the living room and looked on the table. His phone was there. I picked it up and scrolled through the call history. The number seemed familiar, but instead of calling it back I wrote it down on a napkin and put everything back how it was. Quickly I called Connie and asked her if she knew the number.

"Of course, that's Joyce's cell phone. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, I just, umm. I saw it on some ad for something."

"Like a personal ad?"

"Yeah, it was on the internet."

"Oh my god! You'll have to send it to me."

"What?" I made static sounds, and hung up on her. Connie wouldn't call back, and I'd find a way to avoid her tomorrow.

Things were getting weird, but I tried not to jump to conclusions. More than anything I wanted to smack him upside the head and yell at him, but I didn't have all the facts. I was sure there was a completely normal explanation for this. Yeah, like they were sleeping together. NO! Like he was working on a case, and somehow she was involved. That might just work. I told myself that over and over until I almost half way, sort of believed it. Just as I was convincing myself Bob and Morelli came back in the house and we all headed upstairs.

After we'd both gotten ready for bed I knew I wasn't ready for this. My mind was still swimming with thoughts of him and Joyce and I couldn't even imagine lying in bed next to him, let alone being intimate. I had to stall and find a way to get him to fall asleep before he had a chance to make a move. From personal experience I knew that was very far fetched. He'd wait up all night if it meant a chance to get some. On to plan B.

"I'm gonna go downstairs and get a drink, do you want anything?"

"I sure do, but it isn't in the fridge."

"I'll be back in a minute, I just really need a drink, my uhh, my throat is dry."

"Stephanie."

"One minute." Crap. He was on to me.

I darted down the stairs, grabbed my bag and my keys and flew out the front door. I was pulling out of my parking space when he appeared in the doorway, shaking his head. My phone rang ten seconds later and I hit the end button. All the way home it rang and I finally turned it off, sick of looking at the little red voicemail light. There was a good chance he would come to my house looking for me, but I figured if I locked all my locks he would give up trying to get in and go home.

An hour later he hadn't shown up and I figured it was safe to check my voicemail. There was only one message.

"What the hell?"

After I listened to it I curled up in my bed and tried to fall asleep. No use. There was no food in the fridge, no cable to keep me occupied and if I was being honest I wasn't able to fall asleep alone. Sighing I dragged myself out of bed, gathered up all my stuff and locked my door behind me. My car was still warm and I pulled out and drove down the empty streets back to Morelli's house.

When I walked up the stairs and climbed into bed he was asleep, but stirred and looked at me. "Don't ask." I mumbled and pulled the covers tightly around me. He draped an arm across my stomach and pulled me in close, nuzzling his nose into my neck. I fell asleep almost instantly and woke up alone. There was a note taped to the mirror in the bathroom.

I'LL BE HOME AROUND FIVE THIRTY AND HOPEFULLY BY THEN YOU WILL HAVE MADE UP A GOOD ENOUGH STORY TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT, OR ELSE….

I gulped down the lump in my throat. Or else was a pretty big threat, and it wasn't one that meant physical harm, it was one that meant other kinds of torture. Dragging myself into the shower I tried to rinse away all the thoughts of Joyce, but it just didn't work. Pouring my coffee I trudged around the house, trying to find something to wear today. I'd be working at the mall again, which meant I could avoid Connie and Lula. At least something was working out for me.

Barbie was running around like crazy when I arrived. She was changing all the clothes on the manikins and she wanted my help.

"If you just look at this piece of paper it will show you exactly how they are supposed to look and where everything needs to go. I've got a meeting to go to, but I'll be back in an hour or so. I'm changing your schedule for next week so make sure you get a copy of it before you leave today."

And with that she was gone, and I was left with a store full of naked plastic ladies. Once I got the hang of it, it was easy work, and much better than folding bras. I had everything all set up and dressed when I heard a familiar voice behind me. My stomach dropped into my toes when I turned around and came face to face with Lula.

"Girl! You didn't tell me you was workin here. How you gonna hold out on me. I bet you get a discount and everything. And after all I done for you."

"You left me stranded at the police station. I had to get a ride home from Ranger."

"Now I call that a favor. You know that Ranger is finer than a two-dollar bill. So you get a discount or what?"

"Thirty percent."

"And you wasn't even gonna tell me? I thought we was friends."

"They don't keep anything here in stock that would fit you."

"Now see, since we friends I'm gonna overlook that and not get angry."

"Look, I didn't want to tell anyone I was working here because I wasn't sure if it would work out. This is only my first week and I didn't want my mother to get her hopes up thinking I was quitting bond work."

"Are you? I mean, you've only brought in four skips this week and two of them was all on account of me."

"I don't know what I'm doing. This job is just part time, so it won't pay the rent."

"It would if you moved in with that fine ass Morelli. I bet he'd let you live there rent free even."

She had a point, but I wasn't ready to think about a permanent move just yet. "Look I get off in an hour. Wait around and we'll go out and bring in a few more skips okay?"

"I guess I could, I mean I don't have work today."

"You got a job?"

"Not yet. That's why I don't got work today."

Lula left and I finished up my last hour of work. My schedule for next week was more standard and would allow me to work both jobs easier. I was set to be in Monday to Friday from ten till three. That meant I would have the weekends off, and I could go out and get skips in the afternoons. Sometimes that was a better choice because when you tried to get them too early in the morning they were still hung-over and not in the best mood.

I found Lula in the food court and we headed outside. She refused to ride in my car, and honestly I couldn't blame her, she wouldn't fit so well in it. Not to mention two doors didn't mesh well with handcuffed people. When I got in the car I made her promise that she wouldn't leave me again, and we headed off to our first folder.

"Milton Daford. Forty-eight, and charged with public intoxication. This one shouldn't be too bad."

"Damn straight. But that is all on account of how you're dressed."

I was still in my black skirt and blazer with a white shirt under it and heels. Great. Lula better be right about this dressing for the job thing because if I had to chase anyone I was going to be in big trouble.

We pulled up to his row house and I told Lula to take the back. My cuffs were tucked into the top of my skirt and I had my pepper spray out and in hand. I knocked softly on the door, and it opened moments later. Milton Daford was drunk as a skunk and practically fell into my arms. Lula ran around when she heard him hit the pavement.

"See. What I tell you. It's all about the clothes."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

Milton Daford was lying on the ground, passed out, drooling and snoring. His hands were sprawled out beside him, making cuffing him all the more easy. Lula was yammering in my ear about how it was my clothes, how this never would have happened if I'd been in my ugly jeans and shirt.

"There is nothing wrong with my clothes. And they aren't ugly, they are plain, and that's how I like them."

"Plain is just nice for ugly."

"Besides, it had nothing to do with what I was wearing, he didn't even look at me. It had to do with the fact that he probably started drinking at seven last night and has yet to stop."

We each grabbed hold of him and dragged him to the car, jamming him in the back seat. There were only two more skips we needed to pick up. Personally I didn't feel like pushing my luck but Lula was all for it. We headed south and made our way towards the next guy's house. Milton was passed out cold in the back seat, so I buckled him in and we left the car locked. As we walked up the sidewalk I swore if this went well I'd never question Lula again.

"Let me do all the talking." Lula was adjusting her tie, which was neon green today.

"Fine by me."

The door opened and Lula started talking, only to have it slammed in her face.

"Huhn. Guess he didn't get the memo."

"And what memo is that?"

"The one that says you don't slam doors in faces of people wearing suits."

"Even I didn't get that memo."

There was a familiar clicking sound that reverberated off the walls inside and Lula and I both looked at each other and jumped away from the door just before it had a large hole shot through it. Lula ran left and I ran right, pumping my legs as fast as I could. Obviously I picked the wrong direction because the mailbox I passed got blown into smithereens.

My shoes were slowing me down but I couldn't leave them behind, I'd just bought them. I tried to take them off while I ran but it was no use. After a few blocks I was running out of breath and I didn't hear any more gunshots so I stopped. Big mistake. When I turned around to look behind me a guy tackled me to the ground. He was screaming and yelling about how I'd never take him alive.

Instead of yelling for help I was laughing. The sonovabitch was tickling me. His fingers were on my stomach as he sat on top of me and I thought any minute I'd pee my pants.

"Stop! Please! No!" The words barely came out as I fought for breath and my stomach ached with the pain of laughing.

When I thought I couldn't take it anymore he stopped and fell over. Looking up I saw Lula through the tears that had filled my eyes. She had her purse in her hand and a sour look on her face. Our skip was on the ground, out cold and Lula cuffed him and pulled him the rest of the way off me.

"Still think it's the clothes?"

"Shit. I think it was pure luck. This one is crazier than the rest. What was he doing to you? It sounded like you were laughing."

"He was tickling me."

"Say what?"

"Yeah." I sat up then, brushing the dirt off myself and looking for rips. Only a few this time. Not bad. "Hit him with your purse?"

"You bet. All this running made me hungry. Let's drop these jerks off and hit up Costco."

"Sounds good to me."

When we dropped our FTAs off all the guys at the station were in a much better mood after seeing me slightly torn up. I smiled and bit my lip as I suffered through the name-calling and picture taking. This felt like third grade. Just as I was about to leave someone came up behind me and grabbed me by my hair. At first I thought the tug was playful and was most likely Morelli, but after they didn't let go I realized it was meant as an act of hate. Turning around I saw it was Joyce and when I was facing her she pushed me.

"What the hell?" I yelled as I caught my balance.

"Can't you take a hint?" She pushed me again but this time I shoved back, sending her falling onto her big, most likely fake ass.

"A hint about what?"

"He's mine! So back off." She was up again, grabbing at my hair. Joyce fought like a girl, but it was better than what I fought like. I didn't fight at all.

"I don't even know what you're talking about." I tried to walk away but she put her hand on my shoulder and threw me to the ground. She jumped on me then, slapping at my face and pulling my hair. I reached up and grabbed a chunk of hair in my fist, pulling until she screamed like a cat. My defensive nature took over and I starting pushing at her, trying to get her off me and suddenly she was gone. She was hovering in the air and Eddie Gazarra was helping me up.

Joyce stopped fighting when she realized Joe had hold of her. Now she turned around to face him, ran her fingers through his hair and kissed him on the check. After that she took off, strutting down the hall, making her hips swing abnormally.

"What was that all about?" Joe was looking me over now.

"I don't know, why don't you tell me?"

"Jesus, you aren't on this again are you?"

"Yes, I am!" My hands were on my hips now. I was in attack mode.

"I can't deal with you when you get like this." He threw his hands in the air and turned to walk away.

"You can't deal with me? You can't deal with me? What is that even supposed to mean?"

He was halfway down the hall and he turned and stomped back towards me. "It means you are acting ridiculous and I'm not going to get in a fight with you here. This is my job, and for once I'm not mixing my personal life into it."

"Huhn. Seems like it's okay for you to mix Joyce up in your job though."

"You don't even know what you're talking about!"

"Then enlighten me!"

"Not here. We'll talk when I get home."

"Well you can talk to yourself because I won't be there!"

"Fine!" And he stormed off. There were a few people in the hall and they all stared at me. "What are you all looking at? Don't you have work to do?" They hurried off then, and I crashed through the door and got in the car.

"See, I told you I wouldn't leave."

"Just drive!"

"Huhn. Don't know what got your panties in a bunch but don't need to be taking it out on me." She pulled out of the lot then and muttered under her breath "Someone must not be getting any."

"This has nothing to do with getting any!"

We headed back to the bonds office so Connie could write our checks. I was stewing. Every second that ticked by had me more and more angry. My face felt like it was on fire and my hands were shaking.

"Looks to me like you're thinking of doing something bad."

"Murder really isn't that bad."

"Dayum. I needs to hear this!" Lula wanted all the details, but she said we had to wait until she wasn't driving. Okay, that was my idea, because the look on her face made me nervous. If she didn't pay attention she'd run us into a wall and then I wouldn't be able to kill anyone.

Connie was getting ready to lock up when we got there, but she said she could hold off a few minutes when she caught the look in Lula's eye. I told them everything. Most of it was said in one breath as I rushed to get it out.

"So that's why you wanted to know whose number it was." Connie was putting two and two together and I was gnawing on my bottom lip. "You know, I've got some family connections I could give you. Maybe Joyce wants to take a dirt nap."

"Tempting, but I'd rather do it myself. Much more gratifying that way." Yeah that was a total lie. I wasn't about to kill anyone. I'd only killed one person before and that was in self-defense and a total accident. The truth was what I really wanted to do was beat the crap out of Joe, but I knew I would go over there, he would convince me otherwise and I'd end up naked. At least if I were naked I'd be satisfied, so there wasn't too much of a down side to it.

"Look I need to go get my car now. "

"I'll take you as soon as I get my check."

We got our checks and all piled out the door. Lula was practically beaming with joy. She'd taken her jacket and vest off and was undoing her tie as she drove.

"Why are you wearing a tie? I thought only guys wore them."

"It came with the suit. Honestly I'm not sure this whole suit look is really me. I miss my spandex, this here makes me look fat."

I didn't say anything but I wanted to tell Lula it wasn't the suit but her fat that made her look fat. Maybe I was just feeling extra bitchy because of the whole Joyce thing, I really didn't need to take it out on Lula. I got in my car and pulled out my cell phone. Two new messages.

"Stephanie it's your mother." I wasn't sure why she felt the need to say that every time she called. The woman acted like I wouldn't recognize her voice. "I'm not sure what is going on with your grandmother but she is acting very strange. She went to three views in the last few days and didn't even try to peak in the closed coffins." To my surprise Grandma hadn't told anyone about her deal with the new funeral directors. I deleted the message and played number two. It was from Morelli.

"I just got home and you better be here in ten minutes or I'm going to come looking for you, and it won't be pretty when I find you."

I looked down at the clock. He had called five minutes ago, and if I hit all the lights right I could be at his house in another five. Pulling out of the lot I took the long way home. The idea of making him wait was just too good to pass up.

Fifteen minutes later I pulled up in front of the house. It was getting dark out and there was a light on downstairs. When I opened the door Bob came running but stopped short when Morelli yelled "Get in here." I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or the dog, so I took Bob out for a nice long walk first.

When we got back it was dark out and Joe's face was hard as stone. I pushed past him without saying anything and went back to the kitchen to get a drink. There was a small table in the kitchen and I pulled out a chair and sat down. When Joe finally came in he looked down at his feet, I knew from experience that he was counting in his head, trying to keep himself calm.

"Let's start from the beginning. How did the fight start."

"It started when your girlfriend grabbed my hair and shoved me. Telling me to stay away from her man."

"And then what happened?" He was still looking at his shoes, and I took a swing of my beer.

"Then I tried to talk away and she pulled me to the ground and started smacking me."

"She's pressing charges on you."

"For what? She started the whole thing!"

"That's not what she says."

"And I guess you believe her. You two looked pretty cozy before she left." I drained the rest of my beer and stood up. Bad idea. I'm a cheap drunk, and one beer is sometimes more than I can handle. Once I got myself steady I went to the fridge grabbed another and sat back down.

"You're not a very good drunk."

"You're not a very good boyfriend."

"I'm only going to say this one more time. There is nothing going on between Joyce and me."

"Huhn." A few seconds later my beer was gone and the room was spinning.

Morelli picked me up and carried me upstairs, which made the spinning even worse.

"Stop spinning the room around! You're going to make me sick." He dropped me on the bed, pulled the covers over me and closed the door. "Jerk!" Most likely he wouldn't hear that, so I screamed it again. "Jerk!" I kept screaming until the door opened, and then I hid under the covers.

I didn't even hear the footsteps but the covers were pulled away and I was left unprotected by them. Covers are strange things. Even though they are just thin stripes of fabric they seem to have some magic power that makes people feel safe if they are hidden under them. Reaching up I grabbed the front of Joe's shirt and pulled him roughly too me, forcing my mouth on his. His kisses were rough and strong, and it made my back arch slightly.

He climbed into bed then, running his hands all over me. I leaned forward and whispered in his ear, "Jerk" before biting playfully on it and pulling his hair. All hell broke loose after that and my clothes were ripped off, my neck was ravaged and I was worn out three times in a row.

After the last time I passed out, noticing the clock read ten. I had missed dinner and my stomach was growling, but the pull of sleep was much too strong to fight. I knew in the morning I'd be hung over and hungry, but at least I could look forward to fries and a coke. The age-old recipe for hangover relief.

* * *

I woke up alone at five in the morning. The sun wasn't out yet and my head was throbbing. Stumbling in the bathroom I found some Advil and took about three of them. Making my way downstairs I noticed the house was once again a mess. There were at least seven empty beer bottles on the table, and Joe was passed out on the couch. He didn't have a shirt on, and his boxers were on backwards. This seemed odd to me, but I brushed it off and walked to the kitchen.

My keys weren't where I left them so I grabbed the keys to the SUV off the hook and headed out the front door. Bob followed, taking his morning break and then hustled to the car. I opened the door to the back but he wouldn't get in. His nose was sniffing like crazy and there was a whining sound coming from his throat. I didn't know what it was all about so I opened the front door and he jumped in.

The line at McDonalds was surprisingly long for this hour and we had to wait a few minutes to order. I got a coke and some hashbrowns, a breakfast sandwich for Morelli, and platter for Bob and two coffees. Bob and I both ate on the way home and I threw Morelli's bag in the backseat. The smell of food is much more tempting than anything for Bob and he jumped in the back and ate the bag whole.

As we pulled up in front of the house Bob was whining again. After I parked I turned around and noticed he was pawing at something on the seat. It was bright pink and small. Climbing in the back I picked it up and once I realized what it was I shrieked and threw it. Morelli always kept a first aid kit in his car so I opened it and pulled out the disposable gloves. Pulling them on I picked up the fabric again. Yep. It was a pair of underwear.

This wasn't just any underwear. This was freak underwear. Not only were they missing the back like most of mine, but they were missing part of the front. My mind started to process. These weren't a gift for me because first off I would never wear crotchless underwear, and most importantly these were worn. They weren't just worn, they were worn and washed and worn and washed, repeatedly.

There really was no rational explanation as to why a man would have another woman's panties in the back of his car. And why he would have his boxers on backwards and be passed out on the couch. My temper level had gone from upset to angry to livid in one second and I was seeing red. I grabbed the coke and busted through the front door.

Morelli was just waking up and he rubbed his eyes and smiled when he saw me. I was trying my best not to cry, but the tears brimmed over. I pulled the lid off my coke and dumped it on top of him. He jumped up as he screamed and I walked up to him. I put the panties in his hand, reached back and slapped him as hard as I could in the face.

"We're done."

I ran after that. I didn't care that all my things were at his house, and that I'd left without my purse or my keys. All that I cared about was getting out of there and getting away from him. Cutting through backyards and side streets I ran to my parents' house. The front door was locked and I pounded as hard as I could, hoping someone would wake up and let me in before Morelli came driving up.

"What's wrong?" My mother asked as she let me in the house. I was coughing and panting, and sweat was dripping off me.

"Just. Need. Water." I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass, steadying myself on the counter. Once I could breath normal I sat at the table. My mother pulled up a chair across from me and I tried to talk to her. "I," my voice caught in my throat. "It's," the words wouldn't form right.

There was a knock on the door and I knew it was him. My mother looked at me, and the tears started to spill over again. She pulled her robe tightly around her and walked to the front door.

"I need to talk to her." Joe's voice was loud and pleading.

"She's not here." My mother was firm and strong, and I knew she wasn't going to let him in.

"Please. Please just tell her I'm here. I have to talk to her."

"I'm sorry. If she wants to talk to you, she'll call. I think you should go now." And the front door closed. My mother walked back into the kitchen, kissed the top of my head and started a pot of coffee. "You don't have to do it today, but I think I should know what is going on."

"Maybe later."

She poured me a cup of coffee and I thought about going to bed, but I knew I'd never fall asleep. In a few hours I'd have someone take me over to Joe's so I could gather up all my stuff, then I'd head home. Maybe I could find someone to drive by and make sure he wasn't home before I went there. I was pretty sure Lula would do it, but that would mean explaining things to her, and I wasn't even sure I could speak the words.

After my father left for work my Grandma Mazur and my mother went to buy some food and I was left alone. There really was only one person I wanted to call so I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"Yo."

"Yo, yourse-" I couldn't' even speak without crying. Crap. This wasn't going to go well. Ranger wasn't good with crying. "Sorry."

"Babe?"

"It's a long story. Can you do me a favor?"

"Depends on the favor."

"I need someone to go get my stuff. My clothes, purse, car, Rex."

"Where's it at?"

"Morelli's."

"And you can't get it yourself?"

"No." I was bawling again, snot running out of my nose, making a total fool of myself.

"I'll get it, then be at your parent's in an hour."

"Thanks."

I wanted to shower, but I didn't have anything to put on. There was an old robe in my room from when I lived here so I jumped in the shower and worked at washing everything away. Funny how you keep thinking that one day it will actually work but it never does. I wrapped the robe tightly around myself and headed downstairs for another cup of coffee.

Ranger was sitting on the couch reading my father's newspaper. Even though he looked comfortable he seemed out of place in my parents' living room. He was dressed in black pants with a black button down shirt and a black tie. This was his business outfit, and I had a feeling I'd interrupted something important.

"I'm sorry, you were busy weren't you?"

"Nothing important. You want to tell me what this is all about?"

"Not right now. But I will."

"Are you staying here or your place?"

"I'm not sure yet. I may get a hotel room, somewhere I won't have to worry about him showing up."

"That bad huh?"

"That bad." The words that came out of my mouth then were reflex and I couldn't stop them. "Could I stay at Rangeman? Just for a few days that is."

"You think that's a good idea?"

"I think it's the worst idea ever. But it's all I've got."

* * *

A/N

To all my readers: SO sorry for the long break between updates. My beta-ing Mother was doing some traveling and in a play, so her editing time was taken away from me (In all honesty I can't be TOO mad as one of those trips was to be an extra in One For The Money. Instead, I'll just be jealous). BUT lucky for all of us she has already finished all the chapters, so they will be put up on a schedule of sorts.

To the Babe ladies: Told you to hold out just a little bit longer. And don't worry, it will be worth the wait.

Thanks to all who have read and reviewed. It makes me as happy as Bob when he sees anything edible. Okay, well it IS Bob we are talking about, so it doesn't really have to be edible. =]


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

Ranger's Porsche Cayenne was parked out front. I climbed in the front, not even caring that I was still in my bathrobe. Rex was snug in the backseat; his cage had a seatbelt strapped around it. Looking at it made me smile and I could see a hint of something flash in Ranger's eye. It took a lot to get a smile from him, it took even more to get a laugh, but I was lucky enough to be on the receiving end of both several times.

The ride to Rangeman was quiet which was both good and bad. It was good because I wasn't ready to talk about it yet, because that just made it all the more real. But it was bad because it gave me time to think about it. And everyone knows thinking is never a good thing.

"So," I bit on my nails as I tried to think of something to talk about. "How is everything going with Tim Stringer?"

"Fine. He stays at home all day. Never has any visitors and only gets phone calls from family. He did get a few odd messages in the mail, but there was nothing incriminating."

"Going through his mail? Isn't that a federal offence?"

"Only if you get caught."

Ranger didn't have the same moral code as everyone else. Hell I wasn't even sure if Ranger _had _a moral code at all. Deep down I was ninety nine percent sure he only killed bad guys, but honestly I was only fifty percent sure about my surety level. We pulled into the underground parking garage at Rangeman, and I gathered up my bag of junk. Ranger pulled out Rex's cage and a black duffel bag.

"What's in the bag?"

"The rest of your clothes. I wasn't sure if what you had at Morelli's was enough so I just gathered up everything from your apartment."

"Thanks."

We got in the elevator and Ranger hit the button for the seventh floor. "Where are we going?"

"You said you needed a place to stay, I'm providing you with one."

"I just thought you'd put me up in one of the apartments."

Rangeman employed a lot of people, all males. Along with Ranger's personal residence and the residence of his housekeeper Ella, and her husband, there were also apartments, offices, a gun range, and who knows what else in the building. It was a seven-story building that didn't stand out in any way, unlike Ranger who stood out and blended in all at the same time.

"All the apartments are full." A hint of a smile formed in his eyes, but it never reached his mouth.

Ranger's apartment was immaculate. It was always clean thanks to Ella, stocked full of fresh food, again thanks to Ella, and smelled like Ranger, thanks partly to Ella, partly to Bulgari shower gel. The furniture was simple and modern with crisp lines and solid colors. The whole place omitted testosterone, just like Ranger.

"I've got to get back to a meeting, but make yourself at home. Do you still have your keys to the place?"

"Yeah." Ranger had given me keys to his apartment and the rest of the building when I first started working here, and he wouldn't let me give them back.

"Unfortunately I'm having a little trouble getting your car back."

"Why?"

"Well no one, including me, wants to be seen driving it in the daytime. So you'll have to borrow one of my cars if you need to go anywhere today. Once its dark I'll send Tank to get it."

"I'm not sure Tank would fit in it."

"That's true."

"Maybe you could just have him park it at my apartment. That way if anyone looks for me, they'll just think I'm there. That is, if you don't mind me borrowing a car for a few days."

"You can keep any of the cars, you know that. If you decide to just give me plenty of notice."

"Why?"

"So I can make sure I add fire insurance on them." He left then, kissing me lightly on the lips as he went out the door.

I still had an hour before I needed to leave for my job at the mall so I dug through my bag, trying to find all my essentials. Once I found what I needed I did my hair and make-up, making sure to put everything back in the bag when I was done. It would seem rude to leave things laying around as though I just assumed I could move in. When I was rummaging through my bag trying to find something to wear there was a knock on the door.

Ella peaked her head in after a moment and then pulled in a cart of food. There was fruit and a breadbasket, as well as egg whites and oatmeal. I thanked her and asked if she by chance had any black pants I could wear. A few minutes later she returned with a pair of tight black slacks. Once she was gone I ate a piece of bread, but it wouldn't sit right in my stomach so I saved all the food by putting it in the fridge and got dressed.

Even with all my clothes I was still limited on choices. Sure I had five new pair of underwear to choose from, but my shirt options were black v-neck, white v-neck or nothing. I went with the white, and threw my black blazer on over it. Putting the keys in my bag I headed for the elevator, waving at the camera that was installed in the upper corner as I made my way to the garage.

There were four options waiting for me. Tank was standing by a black Rangeman SUV, unloading what looked like suit bags. Tank was just what his name said. He was huge and scary, but I knew for a fact his real name was Pierre and Lula was his biggest fear in life. They were engaged for a short time, mostly because Tank never actually asked her to marry him. She bought herself a ring and tricked him to believe he had asked.

"Which one would you like to take?"

My options were the Porsche Cayenne. That was out, I'd already destroyed one of those. The Porsche Turbo, which was also out because it was Ranger's favorite and if I destroyed it I'd be sleeping on the sidewalk. There was a new truck, but the last time I drove one of those it also met a horrible end. There was one option left. A shiny new black Ducati Superbike 848. I'd learned to ride a motorcycle a few years back, and always kept my license renewed.

Tank handed me a leather jacket and a helmet and I climbed on. The bike rumbled to life under me and I gripped it tight, feeling the vibrations run through my whole body. The exit gate lifted for me and I took off down the street.

Normally when I get on a bike I take time to feel it out, get used to it and familiar with it. Not today. Today I was feeling dangerous, and I wanted speed and adrenaline, and I wanted it now. I made it to the mall in record time, parked right up front and watched as men gazed at me. Probably they were looking at the bike at first, but once I took the helmet off, and pulled my shirt down to pop the boys out a little, their attention shifted slightly.

Against my better judgment and the pleading of my feet I wore stilettos today. It actually turned out to be less difficult than I thought to ride the bike in them. I was pretty sure that after a few hours of work I'd be cursing myself, but at least I would look good. When I walked in Barbie was in a happy fit about some new shipment that just came in.

"You will just _love_ these new bras! They are the greatest thing ever!"

"Honestly, I can't afford a new bra right now, but I'm sure they're great."

"Oh no honey, it's free."

"Excuse me?" She was joking right? That couldn't be true.

"Yeah, come on back to the dressing room and I'll get you one. You'll wanna wear it all the time once you see it on."

It seemed she wasn't joking. A new product had just been released and as an employee I got one free sample. And Barbie was right; I wanted to wear it all the time. This bra wasn't just amazing, it was a miracle. The shirt I was wearing showed off just how wonderful this wonder bra really was. Somehow this fabric with its air pouches had added a full cup size to my bust.

After I got off work I took my new bra for a test drive, walking around the food court and picking up a snack. The food at Ranger's would be much better for me, but he didn't believe in dessert. And to me, dessert was the best meal of the day. Obviously the new bra was working because I got a free upgrade on my chocolate shake and extra cherries on top.

It was still early in the day so I decided to stop in at the bonds office. I only had one skip left in my possession, but I figured maybe something new, and easier had come in. Connie's eyes bulged out of her head when she saw me pull up on the bike. Then her tongue fell out of her mouth when I unzipped the jacket I was wearing.

"Whoa! Did you hit the lottery or something? New bike, new boobs, where can I get some of that money?"

"The bike isn't mine, but the boobs are. It is just a new bra I got today."

"Whose bike is it?" She looked it over again and then it hit her. "Is that Ranger's bike?"

"Yeah."

"Ohh."

"Ohh what?"

"First that kiss on the cheek, now the bike. Something going on there?"

"Nothing is going on there."

"How does Morelli feel about this?"

"Morelli can eat shit and die."

"Wow." She shook her head up and down and I was sure the puzzle pieces were fitting together inside her brain. "Well that explains why he's been calling every half hour looking for you."

"If you know what's good for you, you'll lie and say you never saw me."

"You expect me to do this without details?"

"For now. I'm not ready to talk about it."

"Oh this is gonna be good I can tell already."

"Huhn. Any new skips?"

"Nope. Just the one you have."

I left then. I was straddling the bike as I zipped up my jacket, and I was pulling my hair back so I could slid my helmet on without ruining my hair when a SUV drove towards me. It slowed down as it came to the bonds office and I saw Morelli in the front seat. Crap. Slamming my helmet down I punched the gas and took off. Turning to look behind me I saw him make a u-turn and floor it.

There were at least five car lengths between us and I took alleys and sidewalks to get away. Pushing the bike faster and faster I found myself on the other side of Trenton in a short period of time. Morelli was nowhere to be seen. After driving around a few more back roads I was sure I lost him so I headed for Rangeman.

Pulling into the parking spot I took off the helmet but left the jacket on, unzipping it as I made my way to the elevator. As was customary I did my little finger wave to the camera and I wished I could see the faces on the other end. The entrance way to Ranger's apartment was empty and instead of knocking I let myself in. The shower was on and there was a gun and a set of keys on the sideboard. I added my keys and dropped my purse in the empty space by the gun.

Plopping down on the couch I turned on the television and waited for Ranger to appear. A few minutes later he came out dressed in black slacks and a black t-shirt. He looked very casual, something he didn't do very often. I got up and walked to the kitchen, pulling two beers out of the fridge and handing him one.

"New job?"

"Sorta. I went in and applied to make my mother happy and somehow managed to get hired. I've been there a whole week."

"Personal best."

"Yeah. The thing is I still haven't told anyone about it. I'm a little worried if I do I won't have the job much longer. Kinda my luck."

"Babe, luck shouldn't even be in your vocabulary."

"Well it's something alright."

We made our way back into the living room and after not finding anything of interest he turned the TV off.

"Who were you trying to lose earlier?"

"Morelli. He showed up at the bonds office when I was checking in."

"How's the bike ride?"

"Like a dream."

"Maybe I'll have to take it out later."

"You haven't been on it yet?"

"You took it on its maiden voyage."

"Huh. Funny thing is, I just can't picture you on a bike."

"You of all people should know how well I ride."

* * *

Ranger's couch was plush and comfortable, but it was nothing compared to his bed. The sheets he used had to be about a thousand thread count, and were like sleeping on air. I tossed and turned on the couch, which was long enough, but not nearly wide enough to allow me to sprawl out. Probably the couch wasn't the problem. Probably the problem was my brain.

The clock read two a.m., which was exactly ten minutes later than the last time I looked at it. I could have slept in Ranger's bed with him; I could have slept in my own bed, or the one at my parent's house. Yet here I was on Ranger's couch, kicking myself for not picking a better option. Okay, so most of my worry wasn't about my location, it was about my situation.

Here I was again; jilted by the man I loved thanks to some whore. What was it with men? I mean why me? Didn't these women have anything better to do than ruin my life? And Morelli. If I was being honest with myself I was really hurt because of him. The way it was so easy for him to lie to me. The way he could sleep with me and then crawl out of bed in the middle of the night and into his car with someone else.

I had to get up. Making my way into the kitchen I tried to walk silently so I wouldn't wake Ranger up. It was enough that I had invaded his house, I didn't need to ruin his good night's sleep too. The fridge was always stalked with healthy food, and what I really wanted was cake. Of course there was no cake in Ranger's fridge, or his life. That was a problem.

Pulling out a carton of milk I turned on the stove and found a pan. I'd never actually tried warm milk but that's always what they did in TV shows when they couldn't sleep, so I figured it might help. Just as the flat top burner of the stainless steel stove turned red I felt a fire run down my spine that could only mean one thing. Ranger was behind me.

"I didn't mean to wake you up." I didn't turn to face him. Best not to tempt my hormones.

"Trouble sleeping?"

"A little." I blew out a heavy sign. "A lot. My mind can't stop thinking about it all. Honestly I'd probably be crying right now if my eyes weren't too tired."

He kissed the top of my head as he pulled me in tight. His hands clasped around me and the smell of him was enough to calm me down. When he went back to bed I tried the milk. It wasn't too bad, but I really didn't think it would help much. Ranger left his bedroom door open, which was a good thing because I suddenly had to pee. There was only one bathroom in his apartment and the only way to get to it was through his room.

Quietly I crept by him, waiting until the door was closed to turn the light on. Ranger's bathroom was clean and crisp, and smelled like heaven, just like everything else he owned. After I took care of business and washed my face I stood staring at myself in the mirror. What on Earth was wrong with me? Twice now I'd picked the wrong guy, and both times it had ended in disaster. I'd known Morelli since I was a kid and to say he was wild was an understatement, but it really seemed as though he'd changed. Maybe the old saying was true about not being able to take the country out of the boy. Maybe people really didn't change.

Turning the light out I opened the door. I had to stand there a minute to let my eyes adjust to the dim light filtering in through the open doorway. Ranger was sleeping on his back, with his head facing the opposite wall. The sheet he had was pushed down low around his hips, and he wasn't wearing a shirt. In fact it looked like he wasn't wearing anything. Gripping the doorframe I fought to keep myself standing. He stirred then, turning to face me and his eyes opened.

Before he could open his mouth to say anything I darted across the room. If I said I wasn't sure what possessed me I'd be lying. There was a rush of desire and a yearning flowing all through my body and instead of thinking I just acted. I all but jumped on the bed, slamming my mouth onto his. This didn't seem to surprise him and he was fast to react, kissing me back, his tongue brushing forcefully against mine. What did seem to surprise him was when I let my hands wander, reaching down to realize I was right. He wasn't wearing anything. His breath caught in his throat and he faltered for half a second before collecting himself and pressing forward.

Kissing me all over he moved down my body, making his way farther and farther south. Once he came to his desired location I hit a note reserved for the biggest of divas. There may not be security cameras or sound surveillance in the private apartments, but I was pretty sure everyone in the building knew at that moment just what was going on.

* * *

A/N

As always, thanks to my beta-ing mother, even though she never answers her cell phone.

Sorry for the delay this week, I had a very very busy weekend and with the holidays coming there is much to do. Of course.

Thanks always for all the reviews/faves/alerts and such. It means the world to me, well maybe not the world, but it's damn nice!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

My eyes jolted open as confusion swept over me. Where was I? What happened? Looking over I saw Ranger sprawled out next to me. Oh yeah. Now I remembered. Somehow the mixture of physical, emotional, and sexual exhaustion had finally knocked me out and I slept soundly for almost three hours.

"Babe," Ranger rolled over, draping an arm across my bare chest. "It's Saturday, that means sleeping in a little."

"Isn't eight sleeping in for you?"

"For me yes, but not for you." He pulled me closer then, snuggling his nose into the crook of my neck.

"I was just thinking about what I'd like to have for breakfast."

"And what did you decide on?"

I rolled on top of him, kissing his neck, his chest, his stomach. "I think I have something in mind."

* * *

Rex was sitting on the kitchen counter and when I opened the fridge I picked out a little of everything to give to me. His eyes widened in excitement when he saw all the choices. He tried to fit everything in his cheeks but failed and settled on a grape. Scurrying back in his soup can his tail end stuck out, it was almost vibrating with joy. Rex never ate this well at my place, or Joe's for that matter. I mean, he had much better food there, like pizza and subs, but deep down Rex was like Ranger. All he really wanted was something healthy.

I didn't have to work at the mall today, and I thought maybe I'd round up my last skip if I could get Lula to help me. My goal for the day was to stay busy. Being busy would allow me to avoid thinking about the huge mess I was in, not just with Joe, but now with Ranger. As if I hadn't buried myself deep enough I found I couldn't stop digging.

Putting on a pair of the tight black slacks Ella brought me, I added a pair of plain brown ankle boots, a white skin tight v-neck shirt, and my new best friend, the double push-up bra. Only after I dressed did I realize the bra was black and could easily be seen through the shirt, but at that point I was too tired from doing my hair and make-up to care. The leather jacket that went to the bike was lying on the couch next to my purse. Ella had already been in while I showered and Ranger ate his breakfast, and there was no sign anyone had even tried to sleep in the living room.

Taking the elevator I made my way down to the control room floor. Ranger had a private office there and I felt the need to stop in and tell him I was going out. Hal and a few new guys were sitting at the control desk that monitored the fleet of Rangeman cars as well as the grounds and the properties that had Rangeman surveillance installed. The two new guy's jaws almost hit the floor when I strolled out of the elevator and I knew they had been watching me the whole time.

"Good Morning Hal." I did a little finger wave as I passed by.

"Got that right." He smiled at me and I knew that not only had he heard my performance last night, he was lucky enough to catch the encore this morning.

Fire erupted in my cheeks and I hurried off, eager to be out of sight. Ranger's office door was wide open and he was sitting behind the desk, talking on his cell phone. He was dressed in his business clothes, slacks and a button up shirt, all in black of course. He said yes, no, yes again and then hung up. His eyes looked me up and down, staring at my chest momentarily before meeting my eyes.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm going out."

"Taking the bike again?"

"Yeah. I could use the distraction."

"You'll have to deal with things someday."

"I know, but I'd rather someday not be today."

"Are you going to tell me about it? Or do I have to find out on my own?"

"What's there to tell really? Joe's an asshole, who obviously hasn't changed since high school. I probably should have run him over harder with my car back then."

"Be careful. You may change your mind about that in the morning."

"Wasn't last night proof enough for you that I'm done with him?"

"Babe, last night wasn't the first time we've been together. And if I remember correctly, you were done with him then too."

"This is different."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"I would. He cheated on me."

"What?" Ranger's eyes hardened slightly, something you'd never notice unless you really knew him. This was Ranger's surprised face, and honestly, Ranger was _never_ surprised. "Are you sure?"

"I found worn panties in his car that weren't mine, and he was passed out drunk on the couch with his boxers on backwards. I'm pretty damn sure."

That's when the waterworks hit. I'd cried in front of Ranger before, and this time was just as embarrassing as that time was. Trying to hide my face I turned away from him, kicking myself for not being stronger. He didn't say anything, that wasn't Ranger's style. Instead he got up, crossed the room and hugged me. It wasn't just any hug, it was a comforting hug, and it was as close as Ranger got to showing emotion. He kissed the top of my head and went back to his desk.

I left then, wiping away the tears and the eyeliner that was running down my cheeks. Hopping in the elevator I kept my eyes down, not wanting everyone in the building to know how much of a girl I was.

The Duc was right where I left it, helmet hanging on a hook on the wall in front of it. I climbed on and headed out of the garage, not sure where I was going, but just needing to go somewhere. My stomach must have been sending navigational messages to my brain because I ended up at Tasty Pastries.

A half dozen Boston crèmes later I was back on the bike and driving around town. I couldn't go pick up my skip because I had no way to bring him in. Although maybe with the way I was dressed if I just offered him a ride he would gladly get on the bike. Hmm. Might as well try.

Ernie Teller lived in a typical slum apartment on Stark Street. Part of me was worried about leaving the Duc out in the open, but I was pretty sure anyone who saw it would think it was a dealer's, and no one messed with their stuff unless they had a death wish. Below Ernie's was a butcher shop that sold meat items I didn't even know were edible. Climbing the trash infested stairs I found his door and knocked.

Ernie Teller opened, wearing nothing but a pair of tighty whiteys. Gross. His eyes looked me over, stopping on my chest and never even noticing my face. That was probably a good thing since it was possible he would remember me and start throwing food again.

"Ernie Teller?"

"That'd be me. What can I do for you foxy?"

"I was hoping you'd go for a ride with me."

His eyes flashed to my helmet then back to my cleavage. "What kind of bike you got?"

"Ducati. Superbike 848, black. Brand new."

"Let me just put some clothes on."

This was the test. If he came back with clothes on I could cart him off and hope he didn't try to run once we made it to the station. If he never came back that would mean he'd bolted, and I'd ruined my chance at catching him. Right then I told myself if he ran I wouldn't chase him. I had enough man trouble in my life I wasn't about to let Ernie Teller add himself to the list.

One minute later he was at the door wearing ratty old jeans and a stained gray shirt. He had a leather jacket that looked like it was new in 1970 and a pair of sunglasses in his hand. Ernie Teller was ready to ride.

My plan seemed good at first but now I was hitting some bumps. The first of which was the fact that Ernie seemed to think he was going to drive. I solved that with a little persuasive talk about how I loved the feel of a man behind me. Inside my stomach was churning. The next problem was once we were on the bike Ernie couldn't keep his hands to himself. He was one of those guys that thought boobs were handlebars, put in place by God to help him keep his balance on the bike.

When we got closer to downtown I picked up speed. Maybe I would luck out and we would get pulled over. Then when I stopped I could cuff him and get him hauled in. The problem with that plan was that Trenton PD was severely under funded and not once did I see a blue and white on the road. Time was ticking by and I decided to just try my luck. At the worst he would get away and I'd go home and burn my clothes and skin off. At best I could trick him into going inside by distracting him again with my assets. Lucky for me he was a man and he wouldn't tire of looking.

As we neared the building I thought up a plan. My cuffs were in my jacket pocket and all I had to do was reach down and pull them out. His hands were perfectly in place and if I eased them on gently he'd never know what was happening. Just as I took the last turn before I entered the parking lot I slide a cuff on his right hand, leaving it loose until the other was in place.

At the sound of one side locking in place he started to pull his hands away. Quickly I snapped the other and pulled into the lot, not wanting to give him a chance to freak out and knock us both to the ground. Ernie Teller was now cuffed around me and as I turned the bike off I slid his arms over mine and pushed him back off the bike.

"What the hell? You tricked me! You bitch."

"Yeah, I've heard that one before."

I wasn't in the mood to deal with this so I rushed him inside, got my papers and headed out. Morelli was leaning against the bike when I came outside and I had to calm myself before I popped all my fingers out of their sockets. His hair was sticking out all over, his five o'clock shadow was turning to beard and there were dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. He looked like hell.

"I have nothing to say to you." I picked the helmet up off the seat and pulled my hair back into a ponytail.

"Please Steph. You've gotta listen to me."

"I don't gotta do anything. Now just leave me alone."

"I swear-"

"Don't. Just don't." I was shaking my head now, working to keep the tears back. "Who was it?"

"You have to believe me; I don't remember any of it."

"You don't remember? You actually expect me to believe that? Let me guess, you were too drunk to remember right?"

"I must have been. I mean, I only had a few beers, but I literally don't remember anything."

"Well let me remind you then. You're boxers were on backwards and there was a pair of freak panties in the back of your car. Remember now?"

"No." He hung his head, his shoulders slouched and he sighed. "I love you. I would never hurt you like this."

"Well you did."

I turned to leave and he grabbed my wrist. His face flew to the side then, as though someone had smacked it, hard. Looking back it was probably me. Okay, it was me, and to be honest it felt good. Pushing the helmet down I climbed on the bike and took off. My mind was racing and my chest started to hurt. After I'd gone a few miles and I figured I was safe I found an alley and pulled over. Ripping the helmet off I let the sobs shake my body, and then leaned over as I threw up. This really wasn't my day.

Composing myself I headed for Hamilton so I could drop off my papers and get a check from Connie before she left. I wasn't sure what I'd do for the rest of the day since I had no work, no skips, and no boyfriend. However I did have a bike, an amazing bike, and if I were lucky I could get Ranger to go for a ride with me. Of course that would lead to other things, because being so close to Ranger and having a vibrating machine between my legs was sure to make my lady parts scream.

"He's still calling for you." Connie handed me a paper filled with notes on it. All were messages from Joe.

"Tell him he can stop bothering you because I'm not going to call him back and I've changed my cell phone number. And no I'm not giving it to anyone."

"Huhn." Lula was sitting on the couch back in her regular neon green spandex pants and yellow leopard print shirt. Today her hair was orange, and I mean orange. "How you gonna get a new number and not even give it to me?"

"I didn't really get a new number; I just want him to think that."

"You plan on telling us what happened? Cause you know my gossip sense is a tingling." Lula was practically palpitating at the thought of it.

"I'm sure you'll hear soon enough." I bit on my lip and tried to rush through it so I could avoid another puking and crying episode. My eyes and my stomach were both much too tired for that. "He cheated on me."

"Say what?" Lula jumped up then, looking like a woman scorned. "With who?"

"No idea." I told them all about that night, they both loved the part where I dumped coke on him and slapped him across the face.

"Shit. If I was you I'd have done more than a slap in the face." Connie nodded in agreement and I didn't even want to hear the things that happened to men who wronged them.

"But it's over, and I'm moving on now."

"Does this moving on have to do with the new bike you're driving?" I could see the heat rising in Connie's face and I knew what she was thinking.

"This moving on has to do with never seeing Joe Morelli again."

Just then the door flew open and Joyce Barnhardt strutted in. She was in her usual leather outfit, which I thought fit her, since she was such a cow. Somewhere under there she probably had a set of udders that she used to get Vinnie to give her a job.

"No new skips in?" She smiled sarcastically at all of us.

"Nothing new. Stephanie brought in all the outstanding cases we had."

"Nice work dear." Joyce was up to something, and honestly I didn't want to know what.

Just then the phone rang. Connie, Lula and I all looked at each other, and none of us moved. It rang a few more times before Joyce reached down to answer it.

"Hello?" She paused and then started up again. "Oh hey Joe. I'm glad you called, I just needed to ask you something." She looked over at me and turned her back, making a big show about needing privacy. I turned to walk out the door when I heard her say, "I'm pretty sure I left my panties in your car."

Every hair stood up on end, and I could feel the tremors shake my body.

"Uh oh." Lula said as she and Connie both started to back away from the table.

There was a heat burning in my body, and I realized part of it was from anger and another part was desire. A hand was on my lower back then, grabbing a hold of my shirt to keep me from going too far forward.

"I've been trying to call you." Ranger whispered in my ear.

"Not now! It was Joyce." I hissed through clenched teeth.

He took over then, knowing that if I didn't leave the office that minute I would kill her. I didn't have a gun but everyone else did and there were three people in the room who would gladly give me on in a heart beat.

"Babe," He spoke loudly now so everyone could hear. "We're still on for dinner tonight right?"

"What?" This caught me by surprise and I wasn't exactly sure how to answer. Ranger was playing a game.

"Our date."

"Oh. Yeah." Short answers were best. I didn't think I could form multi syllable words just yet.

"Maybe we should go back to my place now."

"Sure."

He pulled me into him then, kissing me deeply. So deeply in fact I was sure he could taste the donuts I had eaten for breakfast. Then I remembered that I'd just been sick and I pulled away quickly, feeling extra grossed out. I waved goodbye to Connie and Lula, both of whom were fanning themselves and signaling me to call them. Joyce's face was as bright red as her hair and I winked at her before we left.

Ranger climbed on the bike and I got on behind him, wrapping my arms tightly around his body. I leaned my face against his back, pressing my cheek as close to him as possible. We took off and I closed my eyes. My helmet was still at the bonds office. Oh well, I wasn't going to ask him to go back and get it. The wind whipping by my face was cool and smoggy, just the way Jersey liked it. He took us back to Rangeman and we rode the elevator in silence. I didn't bother taking my clothes off, instead I climbed into his bed fully dressed and cried myself to sleep. My plan was to either never wake up, or only wake up to find out this was all just a horrible nightmare and not really my life. The problem with that plan was that neither option was possible and instead I rolled out of bed a few hours later, knowing that I'd have to go to my parents for dinner.

I showered again, and was pretty sure that once Ranger saw his water bill he'd burn me at the stake. In all honesty I didn't feel like getting ready so I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, skipped out on make-up and pulled on a pair of jeans, a black shirt of Ranger's and flip flops. My mother was going to have a conniption fit when I got there but I was over caring.

Ranger was wearing a t-shirt just like the one I had on, but it fit him much more snuggly. He had on black dress slacks and his hair was pulled back, just barely forming a pony-tail. A while back he cut it short to disguise himself and it still hadn't grown back all the way.

"Babe," Ranger used the word babe to mean many things. This time babe meant 'Is that really how you're going to your mother's house?'

"Yes. This is really how I'm going out."

"It's fine by me, but are you really up to listening to your mother talk about it?"

He was right. As much as I didn't care I knew my mother would never let me hear the end of it. I went back into the bathroom, added some mascara and lipstick and came back out.

"Better." He pulled on a jacket and handed me one as well and we were off.

We took the turbo tonight. I never officially asked Ranger to come to dinner; it was all just part of his charm. He knew what I was thinking, and what I wanted without me actually having to speak it.

As is burg tradition my Grandma Mazur was waiting at the door for us and she smiled wide when she saw the car and Ranger. "I'd sure like to get me one of those." She said as we got closer.

"You think she means me or the car?" Ranger said in my ear as we made our way to the living room.

"Both."

Following all the burg traditions my father was in the living room, watching television and reading the paper. He glanced up when we came in, smiled at Ranger and mumbled something about a hired hit man. Ranger took a seat on the couch and I headed for the kitchen, not sure what I would find there.

It was bad. My mother had chopped up everything in the house. The thing about my mother was that when she was stressed she ironed, but once she ironed everything she went on to chopping. Anything minced was a bad sign. Today my mother had cut up twelve kinds of vegetables as well as the meat and rolls.

"Uh oh." I leaned over to Grandma and asked what was wrong.

"No idea. She got a phone call this afternoon and she's been at it ever since.

When my mother looked up and saw me she dropped her knife and crossed the room, arms stretched out. She pulled me in tightly rubbing my back with one hand and smoothing out my hair with the other. After a few minutes she leaned back to look at me, kissed me on the cheek and then went to finish dinner. Great. My mother had lost her mind.

"Someone needs to tell me what's going on here." Grandma demanded as she pulled plates out of the cabinet.

"I got a phone call today from Connie. She told me all about it." Even better. My personal life was once again burning its way through the town. "Don't worry she didn't tell anyone else, and I've kept my mouth shut about it."

"Tell anyone else what?" Grandma was throwing her hands in the air, trying to catch our attention.

"You tell her. I'm going to go out and check on Ranger. I have a feeling Dad is talking him into doing a little dirty work for him."

"Ranger's here? You didn't tell me you were inviting anyone. Would you just look at how I've ruined dinner! You're father is going to be furious."

I wasn't sure exactly where to sit. My father was in his chair, Ranger was on the couch. Biting my lip I sat down next to Ranger and my father didn't even notice when Ranger's arm slunk around my shoulders. After a few muffled screams from the kitchen Grandma came out, jogged up the stairs and came back down carrying Elise. Elise was Grandma's .45 long barrel. Whatever she was up to, it wasn't good.

"I'm gonna get that no account sonovabitch and his hussy." Her face was hard and her teeth were in place, never a good sign.

"Whoa. You can't shoot anyone." I said as I stood in her way.

"To hell I can't! I'm old. We got different rules than you young folks."

"Really? And since when is it okay for someone to shoot someone?"

"Like I said we got different rules. My rules say I can shoot someone if I want."

"That's sweet of you and all, but I'd rather shoot them myself, if you don't mind."

"Huhn. I see what you're saying." She leaned in closer to me. "You need to borrow my gun?"

"No thanks, I'll use my own."

My father was already sitting at the table when we finished up. His plate was filled with food and his fork was on its way to his mouth when there was a knock on the door. "Oh for Christ's sake, don't people know it's dinner time?"

Ranger went to the front window and looked out. From the look on his face I knew who it was, and I wasn't about to answer. My mother walked to the front door, towel gripped tightly in hand and opened it, leaving the screen door closed.

"Yes?"

"Can I talk to Stephanie?" Morelli looked even worse than he had that morning.

"I think you should go home Joseph."

"Please."

"If you don't leave now, I'll call your mother." That was how you made a threat in the burg. People weren't scared of getting the police or even the mob called on them, but when someone brought your mother into things, you listened. Obviously Morelli had forgotten that rule because he didn't budge. Grandma Mazur poked her head out the door, her gun pointed at him.

"She said to beat it. So beat it."

I wasn't really sure if she'd shoot him, but I wasn't going to risk the chance. Glancing over at Ranger I sent him a mental message to please fix this and he went to the door, opened up the screen and stepped outside.

"I think you should go now." He said as he crossed his arms in front of him.

"I'm not leaving till I talk to her."

"Look, she doesn't want to talk to you. You owe her enough to leave."

Joe swung at him then, catching the side of his mouth and pushing him back slightly. Ranger reacted like a cat and instantly returned the punch. Both of them had blood on their hands and faces. They were both swinging away at each other, seeming to be evenly matched.

"Stop it!" I yelled as I ran out the door, pushing between them. "Why her? How could you?" I was hitting Morelli in the chest, slamming my hands harder and harder against him. "I could have forgiven you if it was anyone but her! I hate you!" Ranger had me around the waist now and I was kicking and flailing, trying so hard to reach Morelli and break his face.

Morelli turned away then, putting his hands in his front pockets and walking down the street. We all went back inside to find that my father had already finished his first plate full of food. Nothing was that important that it would make my father miss dinner. Everyone filled up their plates and ate in silence. When everyone was done my father finally spoke.

"What I don't understand is why the meat and rolls are in such little pieces."

* * *

A/N

As always thanks to my beta, AKA mom who comes over and cleans my house.

Did we all see this coming? Did you know who the "other" girl was from the start?

Thank you so much to all who have read and reviewed. Plum fans leave such wonderful reviews. Keep it up, and don't worry, more twists and turns will follow.

Have a wonderful Holiday whatever it is you may celebrate, and a VERY safe and happy New Year! Drink one for Grandma Mazur!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

After dinner I took Ranger upstairs to clean his cuts. There weren't very many and I hoped that Joe's face looked worse. I had the peroxide out and was swabbing them clean as he sat on the rim of the tub. His hand reached up and his fingers wrapped around my wrist. Slowly his eyes met mine and he pulled me in close, my fingers winding through his hair.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really."

"You really love him don't you?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Babe, you still do. I can see it in your eyes."

I pulled away from him then, turning to face the sink. Tilting my head down I looked at the drain, avoiding catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. He was behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders and turning me around. Pulling my chin up he looked at me, really looked at me.

"You love him. You always will."

"I don't want to. It hurts too much."

"It's love. It's supposed to hurt."

He kissed my forehead then. Forehead kisses are one of those intimate gestures that you only share with certain people. They aren't the kind of thing you'd do with anyone and the thought made the issues in my life even more complicated.

"We don't have to talk about all this right now." He said as he sensed my hesitation.

"But we have to talk about it sometime."

"Probably. I'm not looking for a definition here."

"But what if I am?"

"I can't give you that." He let me go then, turning for the door. "Let's just go home, go to bed, and we can talk about all this tomorrow if you really feel like you need to."

"Okay."

I would feel that I needed to. Somewhere in my life I had to make sense of something, and this whole Ranger situation seemed like a good place to start. Part of me was glad we were waiting until tomorrow because then it would give me time to find a new place to stay once things ended. Honestly I didn't want to end things with Ranger, I loved him in my own way, but this relationship wasn't a relationship. I didn't know what it was, but it wasn't fair and it wasn't going anywhere. There was no point wasting time on nothing.

Well it wasn't really nothing. There was the sex, but that was about all there was. Maybe I could validate sticking around for a little while longer just based on those grounds. The thought floated around my head and I realized that tomorrow was still too soon. I would never be able to work all this out in such a short period of time.

"Actually, maybe we should wait and talk in a few days. I don't think I'm really ready yet."

"Whatever you want."

We headed back to his place then, and the instant I got inside I pulled off my shirt that had a few bloodstains hidden in the dark fabric. I forgot that I had my super bra on and realized that Ranger was frozen in place, looking like a deer in headlights.

"Earth to Ranger."

I started waving my hands in front of his face but it was like waving a red flag in front of a bull. He was on me then, reaching his hands around me and pulling me up to him. His tongue was forceful, urgent, and we couldn't get the rest of our clothes off quick enough. We never quite made it to the bedroom, but the couch turned out to be much larger than I originally thought it was.

* * *

The next morning I was exhausted. Ranger knew exactly how to wear a girl out. We'd had sex, breakfast, sex, a shower which involved sex and it wasn't even ten yet. Part of me was thinking maybe I'd have to talk things out tonight or I wouldn't live to see tomorrow. This was Sunday after all, wasn't it supposed to be the day of rest? Obviously Ranger hadn't heard of that before.

"Did you want to work today?" He was in black slacks and nothing else. My body was sore all over but I thought maybe I could handle another round.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Tim Stringer. It's my shift to watch his place."

"Sure. I'll tag along." I could feel the sparkling in my eyes at the thought of Ranger and I alone in a car. The day could turn out pretty interesting.

"Babe,"

"What?"

"I know that look. We're doing surveillance. We have to sit and watch, no distractions."

"Maybe I should drive separate then."

"Good idea."

Tim Stringer lived on a normal street in a normal house. Nothing about any of it screamed serial killer. Ranger was parked at the curb across from Stringer's house and I pulled the bike up behind him. No one stirred inside when I parked, or when I opened and closed the door of the Cayenne.

"Loosing your touch?"

"Not hardly. We're keeping an eye on him for the police, we don't need to hide."

"Oh."

After that we sat in silence for an hour. Nothing was going on and my ass was starting to fall asleep. I leaned the seat back and before I knew it I was out. When I woke up I thought it was just a few minutes later, turns out it was two hours.

"Sure is exciting stuff." I stretched my arms then, feeling the stiffness in all my joints. Sleeping in a car isn't very comfortable. "Maybe I should move to the back seat." I leaned over and kissed Ranger's neck softly, trailing my lips up to his ear. "In fact, maybe we should both move to the back."

"Babe."

"Fine. I'm going for a ride then. Want anything while I'm out?"

He didn't answer and I took that as a no. When I got out I slammed the door and there was movement behind the front curtains of Tim Stringer's house. A head peaked out and locked eyes with me. Even from across the street I could see the evil in them. The rest of Tim Stringer looked pretty normal. Full head of brown hair, red t-shirt, clean shaven, no peg leg or tattooed face.

The burg wasn't far away so I took a few cross streets and parked in front of my parents' house. Looking around I made sure the coast was clear before I darted up the sidewalk and opened the front door. The cab was gone which meant my father was at the lodge, or he could have been in Hawaii, anything was possible. My mother was in the kitchen, head shoved in the fridge mumbling to herself.

"What's going on?" I found a piece of leftover cake and helped myself.

"We're living in the Twilight Zone."

"What?"

"Somehow I'm missing a whole carton of eggs, and the toilet paper is all gone."

"Did you use it all?"

"I just went to the store yesterday morning." She had a pad of paper in hand, scribbling on it frantically. "And to make matters worse last night I caught your grandmother sneaking in the house at three a.m.. I don't know what this world is coming to."

"What was she doing?"

"She wouldn't say. She said I'd have to beat it out of her." She was eyeing the liquor cabinet again. "I'm going to run to the market. Will you be around for dinner?"

"I'm having dinner with Ranger tonight."

"Good lord." She made the sign of the cross then, and I knew I was in for it. "Why can't I have a normal daughter?"

"What's so abnormal about having dinner with a guy?"

"This isn't a guy, this is Ranger. The man dresses like a mobster and an army sergeant mixed together. He is bad news."

"Well at least he'd never cheat on me." That was most likely true, only because Ranger would never enter into a relationship, therefore could never actually cheat on anyone.

"I told you Joseph Morelli was trouble from the very start. But you would never listen. You had to be the one to go off in his garage and show him everything you had to offer."

"I was six! And besides, if I remember you were the one just a few months back pushing me to get married to him."

"Oh that was only because you were living together. People were talking, we had to fix the situation."

"The situation?"

Just then Grandma Mazur stuck her head in the door. "What's all this yelling about? Can't you let a woman sleep?"

"It's after noon, you shouldn't be trying to sleep at this hour."

"Well some of us had a late night."

"Don't remind me." My mother grabbed her pocketbook then. "I'm going to the market, I'll be back in an hour. Don't do anything while I'm gone." Her eyes glared at Grandma and I had a vision of Grandma Bella putting the eye on someone. Shivers ran up and down my spine.

Once she was gone Grandma Mazur poured herself some coffee and settled into the table. "I sure ain't as young as I once was. Staying up all night isn't easy."

"Tell me about it." I yawned then, and added more coffee to my cup. "So you wanna tell me whose house you hit?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"The toilet paper and the eggs. I was a teenager once, I know how to put the clues together."

"Harriet Gotler, Betty Greenblat, Ruth Szuch, and I all got together last night and had a few drinks. Well one thing led to another and I may have let your situation slip."

"You told those three? Great. That means the whole town knows by now."

"Relax, I told them not to tell anyone." Grandma was trying, but she and I both knew that none of those ladies could keep a secret any longer than an ice cube could last in an oven. "So we decided something needed to be done. Of course I wanted to take more serious action, but I'm out of bullets." Thank God. "Instead we decided to go old school, hit em where it hurts."

"Since when is hitting someone's house where it hurts?"

"We didn't just get the houses, we got their cars too. Betty brought along some bologna cause she heard it rips the paint right off."

As much as I was enjoying the picture I couldn't help but feel slightly bad. Alright so Morelli was scum and probably deserved it, but his car was brand new.

"So you put bologna on their cars, and egged and toiletpapered their houses?"

"That's not all. Harriet tried to pee in their gas tanks, but I guess that only works if you're a guy."

"Makes sense."

"Then we put flour in their gas tanks. Ruth was sure it was supposed to be sugar, but I'd always herd flour and that's what your mother had just bought at the store so we had plenty." Her eyes were filled with excitement now as she thought back on the night. "We were gonna put one of those flaming bags on their porches but we couldn't figure out what you were supposed to put inside."

I knew just what she meant. A few months back I'd used a flaming bag as a distraction in order to sneak out of the bonds office. Worked like a charm. The problem was getting the contents in the bag. Not the nicest thing to do.

"No one saw you right?"

"Of course not. We all wore black. We were real sneaky."

That probably wasn't true. My grandma couldn't be sneaky if her life depended on it and I was worried soon I'd be sent after the four of them when they missed their court date for destruction of private property and putting Vaseline on a cop's door handles.

I left after that. Mostly I didn't want to be around when my mother came back. Either I'd have to listen to her grill my Grandma, or get grilled myself. Neither was a pleasant option. I drove to Morelli's then. Really I didn't want to see him, but I was curious to see if Grandma really was right about the bologna thing.

When I pulled up the house was trashed. It looked like they used a whole twelve pack on his house, and a few cartons of eggs as well. The car had slices of bologna all over it, but I couldn't tell if there was actually any paint missing underneath. Slowing down I stopped in front of the house. My body wasn't listening to my brain, it was working all on it's own. Inside I was screaming at myself to leave, to move on and go back to Ranger's car, but I couldn't do it.

The front door of the house opened as I climbed off the bike and removed my helmet. Joe looked horrible. I mean even worse than he did before. He had a full beard and mustache, and I was sure that somewhere out there, some company would love to test his genes for hair growth cures. His face had multiple cuts on it, all of which still had dried blood in them, and one of his eyes was bruised. The sight of the house and the car didn't seem to bother him, and I figured it was because he had watched the whole thing happen.

"I'm sorry about my Grandma." Why was I talking to him? What the hell was this all about? And why was I apologizing to him for this? He got what was coming to him.

"It's okay. I deserved it." True.

"I should go."

"Wait, please. Can we just talk about this?"

"I'm not ready to talk yet."

"I love you." He was looking at the ground, hands in pockets, shoulders hunched forward.

"I know."

Wow. I felt like a badass just then. I was so Han Solo in that moment. Taking off on the bike sealed my awesomeness. Then I ruined it all by having to pull over on the side of the road to cry and throw up. At least I put on a good show.

Instead of going back to Tim Stringer's I headed for Rangeman, desperately seeking my toothbrush. After I'd brushed and rinsed my mouth out five times I called Ranger to see how much longer he would be gone.

"Hal will be here to take over in an hour. Normally we run eight hour shifts, but this work is so boring we've cut them down to reduce suicidal desires."

"I was thinking maybe we could go out for dinner."

"Pizza?"

"Yeah, but my place, not yours."

"What's wrong with mine?"

"It's scary."

"True."

After we hung up I changed clothes. Funny how the less I have to wear the more often I switch outfits. What I had on was fine, but it smelled slightly of vomit and despair, and I was going on a half date, so I needed to look good. Pino's wasn't a fancy place at all, but I found a black strapless dress in my clothes bag and slipped it on. The new red pumps I bought were calling my name, so I added those, some matching lipstick and another layer of mascara. The best part of the outfit was that my super bra had removable straps so I could wear it with my dress.

Checking myself out in the mirror I fluffed my hair, added half a can of hairspray and did a few turns so I could look at my back side. Eat your heart out boys. Ranger came in as I was making sure my butt didn't look too big or too small for that matter. He stopped dead in his tracks and a smiled formed on his face. That was a very good sign.

"Babe,"

"What?"

"I thought you wanted to go out tonight?"

"We are going out tonight."

"If you're wearing that we aren't going anywhere."

He came over to me then, pushing me back into the wall and tugging the bottom of the dress up. "We are not doing it before we go to dinner."

"Why not?"

"Because I just did my hair and you'll mess it up."

* * *

Pino's was packed, but we found a table right in the middle of the room. There were families with kids, a few drunks at the bar, and a lot of off duty cops. Pretty much everyone in the room knew everything about everyone else. Everyone that is except Ranger. All eyes were on us as we walked to our table and ordered our drinks. Mostly I liked to think they were admiring my dress, but I was pretty sure that was the last thing on their minds. Well maybe not the last thing, considering my chest seemed to be of interest to most of the males in the room.

I'd seen Ranger eat pizza before, but it still intrigued me. It was like watching a dog walk on it's hind legs. Something about it just didn't seem normal. Just as we were getting ready to leave Carl Constanza and his partner Big Dog came over to our table. I told Ranger I'd meet him at the car and they sat down once he left.

"What's going on?" Carl asked as he helped himself to the last slice of pizza.

"Just having some pizza."

"With Ranger?"

"That would be who I was with."

"Dressed like that?" He was eyeing me up and down and I tried to stay calm.

"Yes, dressed like this. Is there a point to this questioning?"

"Does Joe know about this?"

"It's none of Joe's business."

"If I had a girlfriend and she went out with another guy dressed like that you can be damn sure it would be my business."

"Wait. You mean you don't know?"

"Know what?"

"Huh." I got up and left then, leaving both of them looking confused.

Ranger had pulled the car out front and double parked. When I got in we headed off in the wrong direction.

"Hal has some kind of food poisoning so I have to go take his shift."

"Must be all those veggies he eats. That can't be good for you."

A hint of a smile formed in the corner of Ranger's mouth. "You can catch a ride back to Rangeman with him if you want."

"No thanks. I'd rather not ride along with a sick guy, wouldn't want to catch anything."

"Need me to call anyone?"

"I'll call Lula." His eyebrows raised slightly at this. "Don't worry, I'll have her drop me at my parent's house. Besides, do you honestly think I want to have to deal with Tank if he finds out I told Lula where Rangeman is?"

A small laugh escaped his lips. That was a big deal for Ranger. The sound of it put me at ease and I dialed Lula, giving her directions to Tim Stringer's place. She hesitated, but when I told her I would buy her a box of donuts she said she could be there in ten minutes. Lula would do just about anything for sugar.

When Lula pulled up behind us I leaned over, kissed Ranger on the cheek and got out of the car. As soon as the door closed the curtains of Stringer's house opened again and he watched me walk back and get in the firebird. To say I was creeped out would be an understatement.

"You know what, let's skip the donuts and get a drink."

"I could be down for that. What were you thinking?"

"Margaritas."

"Done."

We drove downtown, found a parking spot on the street and went to a little bar. There weren't a whole lot of people there on a Sunday night, but the regulars were perched on their stools as though it were their home. We ordered a round, and when it came it was followed by a shot. The waiter said it was compliments of the bar and I figured it had something to do with the fact that Lula and I were barely clothed.

The thing is, even though I'm a horrible drunk I can't refuse a free drink. Who can? I think it is some kind of rule that you have to accept these sorts of things. So I took the free shot, which was followed by another one, and one more after that. Add that to the beer I had at dinner and the margarita I was half way done with and I was spent. I was pretty sure this was more than I'd ever drank in one sitting before, but since I couldn't even tell if I was sitting, I couldn't say for sure.

My whole body was tingling, and my clothes felt like they were suffocating me. I had to leave. Lula wasn't done just yet and I yammered on until she finally gave up and took me to the car. After running into a few poles I finally climbed in the backseat.

"You shouldn't show off the goods like that?"

"Wha?"

"Girl, you just flashed everyone in that restaurant when you climbed in the car."

"Oops. You think they mind?" Forming full sentences was hard work, and I was starting to break out in a sweat.

"Huhn. I think we best go before they come out and demand a show." She pulled away from the curb then. Somehow Lula seemed to be totally sober. Maybe it had to do with her size, or the fact that she was a seasoned drinker. "Where we going?"

"Morelli's."

"Say what? I ain't taking you there."

"You take me there or else!"

"Or else what?"

"I'll, I'll, uhh." I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. "You make this car stop spinning or else!"

"You throw up in my car and you'll be walkin home."

"No home! Morelli's!"

"Fine. Sheesh. Ain't gotta get your panties in a bunch. Lousy drunk."

"Am not! 'Sides I'm not wearin panties."

Lula parked in front of Morelli's house and turned the lights off. She left the car running, saying it was so she could make a quick getaway if needed. If I had been sober I would have seen this as the first warning sign. Lula was going to bolt on me. Being drunk allowed me to miss all these tiny indications that things were about to go horribly wrong.

Climbing out of the car I looked around in my pocketbook for something that would give me a hint as to what to do next. Jackpot. Ranger had put a gun in there. I never felt comfortable carrying one, but it was Ranger's belief that I should always be armed, and sometimes that meant hiding a gun on me. Normally I'd be slightly annoyed, tonight I was glad. I heard Lula mutter 'Oh shit' as I pulled the gun out and took aim.

I couldn't tell you what kind of gun it was, how many shots I fired, or what I was thinking. What I can tell you is that most of them hit the desired mark. Morelli's front window. A light was flipped on upstairs and I could hear tires burning rubber as Lula sped off behind me. Morelli came outside, our eyes met and I bolted. Running down the street I tried to catch up with her but it was no use. Just then arms reached around me, picking me up and carrying me off down a side street. That was the moment when all hell broke loose.

* * *

A/N

Thanks to my Beta mother who buys me socks for Christmas, like I'm some kind of adult or something.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday.

I can't think of a better way to start the year off then with an update with a little cliffy at the end.

Thanks to all who read/reviewed/alerted and the like. You all make me as happy as Lula at a shoe sale.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

"I'm gonna be sick!" The ground was moving up and down at an alarmingly fast rate as I was carried down side streets, through alleys, and finally loaded into a black SUV.

"You? You've got food poising." Hal leaned over then, proving he was right. He did indeed have food poisoning. The sight and sounds caused my stomach to turn and I had to close my eyes and lean back to avoid pulling a repeat of his show.

"What are you doing here anyways?"

"Ranger asked me to follow you home. Why couldn't you just go home?"

"I needed a drink, or twelve. 'Sides, I don't need a babysitter, I'm a grownup." My words were starting to slur and I was swaying back and forth in my seat. "Pull over, I'm gonna be sick."

"We haven't left yet."

"Good cause-" I opened the door then, leaned over and fell face first onto the sidewalk. The jarring impact of the fall caused me to swallow back the sickness that was coming up. Also it somehow seemed to knock a drink or two out of me and when I stood up I was only seeing two of everything instead of four. "We've gotta go get my car."

"You didn't drive."

"What? How did I get here then Mr. Smarty Pants?"

"Lula."

"Who?"

"Not much of a drinker are you?"

"Not much of a, uhh." I couldn't come up with anything so I crossed my arms and stuck my tongue out at him.

We took off then. We were just hitting the outskirts of the burg when I realized we were going the wrong direction. Instead of heading downtown to Rangeman we were making our way towards the river.

"This ain't right!" For some reason my voice came out so loud it started me.

"I've gotta make a stop before we head home."

"Home? Where you takin me?"

"Rangeman. Jeeze." The volume must have been too much for Hal because he stopped after that, parking the car on the side of the road. "I'm just going to run inside real quick. Are you staying out here or coming in?" I tried to move but there must have been an earthquake at the same time. It shook me so hard I slipped forward and hit my head on the dash. "Never mind. I'll just be a minute. Wait right here."

I leaned my face against the side window, allowing the cool glass to calm my nerves. My head was throbbing, and I was feeling nauseous again. Opening the door I stepped out of the car, not realizing it was farther down than I thought. My feet gave out from under me and I rolled in the dirt. I tried standing up, but it just wasn't working out. Must have been the shoes. Yeah, blame the shoes.

Somewhere off in the distance a car door slammed. Okay so my hearing wasn't the best and the door slamming could have been closer than I thought. In reality it was. The Rangeman SUV started up then and took off down the road. Normal people would have chased after it, but I wasn't normal. Instead I stood there, mouth hanging open, dress covered in dirt.

"My purse was in there!" I yelled as the back of the car disappeared and made a sharp right. Wait a second, there was no road to the right. That would mean the car just drove in the river. My mind was obviously playing tricks on me.

It was pretty dark and my vision was still horrible but I swore I saw someone cross the street right around the spot where the car had turned. After a few seconds headlights popped on and started coming towards me. The car swerved over to my side of the street, stopped a few inches short of hitting me and someone got out.

"Crap." I said as I stood frozen in place. They were wearing a hooded jacket so I couldn't tell who it was and they had a rag in their hand which they pushed up against my nose and mouth. "Whas dabi ider? I mumbled through the dirty cloth but it was too late. I blacked out.

When I woke up it was dark and my head felt like it was about to crack open. Worse than that I didn't know where I was, or how I'd gotten there. I was still fully dressed, so that was a good sign, but there was something hard and cold wrapped around my ankle. Reaching down I felt around blindly. I was chained to the floor.

"Hello!" My voice echoed off the walls and made my brain pound against my skull.

A shaft of light appeared then as a door on the other side of the room opened. In the middle of the frame stood a figure. "Yelling won't do you any good. No one can hear you." His voice was acidic and crackled like static.

"You heard me." Real smart Stephanie, cop an attitude with the crazy guy who has obviously kidnapped you.

"Feisty. I like it."

He started to close the door then, but I yelled out. "Wait! Usually when I get kidnapped it's by someone I've been looking for, or someone who knows me. I don't even know who you are."

"How rude of me. Let me introduce myself. I'm Tim Stringer."

My jaw hit the floor. Shit. I was in _big_ trouble now. Of course I get kidnapped by a serial killer. Just my flippen luck! I finally try to change my life, get a real job and I get pulled into something I had no part of.

He flipped a switch then and the whole room lit up. It was a cement room, much longer than it was wide, and depressingly scary. In the corner behind me was a sink and a toilet, both of which looked like they belonged in a prison. They were the kind that had no separate parts so you couldn't take things off and use them as weapons. Damn. Other than that and myself the room was empty. The chain on my leg was at least two inches thick and welded to a hook that was stuck deep in the cement floor. This was _really_ not good.

My mind raced then. I had to think, I had to find a way out. The longer I worked on it, the more helpless I felt. There really was no way out. The burning started in the back of my eyes and before I knew it I was crying, and not just crying, bawling. Everything seemed to hit me at once. I was going to die here in this cement room, Joe had cheated on me with the devil, my family was a mess, and Ranger was, well Ranger was just another confusing aspect of my soon to be over life.

I wasn't sure how long I cried before I wore myself out and fell asleep. Not only that, I didn't know how long I was out, or even what time or day it was. The light was off again and my shoes were missing. Thinking about it I realized I could have used them as a weapon. My mind was just one step behind, and it would be the death of me.

The door opened and Tim came in, flippen the light on. He had a small box in one hand, a pencil in the other and what looked like a pack of paper. Setting everything down in front of me he backed away, keeping his eyes fixed on me.

"We're going to do a small craft project today." His eyes scanned me over as he set down the items and pushed them towards me with his foot. "I want you to take a piece of paper out and write a little letter to your boyfriends."

"My boyfriends?"

"Yes. Surely you've figured out what this is all about."

"Not really. Look I think I'm still hung over, my brain isn't exactly in working order."

"The cop Morelli, and the man who runs the company that has been keeping tabs on me."

"What about them?"

"They ruined my life. And now I'm going to ruin theirs."

It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was going to be used as revenge. My life was going to end because of the men I loved. And all this time they blamed it all on my job. Huhn. Who would guess it wouldn't even have anything to do with me.

"You're going to write a letter addressed to both of them, telling them that you're still alive, for now, and that we are going to play a little game."

"How long is this game going to last?"

"Until I tire of it."

Great. Now I'd have to find a way to prolong this game. I really wasn't up for this. Every part of me was exhausted and I was having trouble finding the energy to think and keep going. I mean obviously I didn't want to die, but I wasn't sure I was smart enough, or strong enough to figure a way out of this.

"Get started, and don't try anything funny because I'll be reading this before it's sent out."

I grabbed the packet of paper, opening it up and pulling a few pieces out. The pencil was dull and had teeth marks all over it. My brain kicked in then, trying to think of some way to get a message hidden inside the letter.

"Why aren't you writing?"

"I'm thinking. This isn't easy you know."

"Just put on there that you're alive and they will get one letter a day until I'm sick of playing with them. If you're smart you'll make this hard for them. The more pain they feel, the longer you live. Though, maybe you want to just get it all over with, in that case just say the word and I'll end everything." He pulled a gun from his back then, twirling it around his index finger.

This just kept getting worse and worse. If it wasn't bad enough I was kidnapped and chained to the floor, now the serial killer who had me captive wanted me to write letters to the men in my life that would hurt them, and if they didn't hurt enough he'd kill me. If I just had to write letters to Joe I figured I could drag this on for a year, but with Ranger in the mix it wouldn't be so easy. This guy wanted pain, and Ranger didn't know the meaning of pain. I'd be dead by tomorrow.

Taking the pencil I wrote a number one in the upper right hand corner of the paper and then put Dear Ranger & Joe, on the first line. After that my mind was blank. Maybe I could stall, talk to him some more while I tried to think up something clever. If I were one of those people who got kidnapped on TV shows I'd be half way to rescued already. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't.

"What am I putting on the envelope?"

"Put the address to the police station on there, and label it as urgent."

Well that not only didn't give me much stalling time, but it sure didn't make me feel much better. Maybe I could write the letter in a way where I could hint at his name. If I started certain sentences with his initials, or used them to spell out his name maybe one of them could figure it out. I ran the thought through my head and started writing. If it didn't work I could crumble it up and start again.

Dear Ranger & Joe,

This letter is to let you know that I'm okay, and alive for now. he wants you to know that this is a game, and that the longer you play along the longer I have. I am not sure what that means, but please just listen. Maybe you two could put things aside and work together because I'm scared and I _really_ don't want to die yet.

love you,

Steph

"Okay, I'm done." I crossed my fingers in my mind and prayed he wouldn't notice what I'd done.

"Set the paper down and back up against the wall." He put on a pair of rubber gloves, picked up the paper, read it and set it back down. "Now fold it, put it in the envelope and seal it." He tossed a book of stamps at me, I put one on and set the finished product on the floor at his feet. He gathered up all the supplies and set them at the far end of the room, way out of my reach.

"Just in time for mail pick up." He walked out the door then leaving me alone in the empty room.

My only relief was knowing that I was at least safe for the day. I know for a fact that even though the letter was going out today there was no guarantee it would arrive tomorrow. After all, my father worked at the post office so I had an insider's prospective on how these things really happened. The only problem was Tim Stringer didn't. He would probably just assume that the mail would be delivered tomorrow and go on with his set plan. Really there was no way to even know when they received the letter, or if they even read it for that matter.

Crap. Thinking was not good. I knew this. I _knew_ from many years of personal experience that thinking was the devil's work, yet here I was, running through eighty different ways I could die. What was wrong with me?

Curling up in a ball I tried to sleep but it was no use. I'd just had a nap of sorts, and my mind wouldn't slow down enough to let me relax. There had to be something I could do to pass that time that wouldn't involve picturing my fingers cut off.

"Hey!" I started yelling at the top of my lungs. "Hello!"

After a few minutes of yelling my throat started to hurt and the door opened. "What?" He looked annoyed, not a good thing.

"I'm bored."

"And?"

"And I need something to do."

"You're a hostage; you're supposed to be bored."

"Oh. I'm not really sure how this stuff works; I was only a hostage for about an hour the last time."

"Sheesh, and I thought I lived a messed up life."

"There is nothing wrong with my life!"

"Then why are you chained up and being held prisoner?"

"That's not _my_ life. That's their lives bleeding into mine."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." He headed for the door then.

"Wait! You didn't give me anything to do."

"What do I look like? I'm not a babysitter, I'm your captor."

"But I can't stay down here alone with my thoughts."

"News flash! Being held hostage is not supposed to be fun. It is supposed to be torture." He shook his head then. "Now I know why captors don't keep people long."

"But!" He charged at me then, pulling his fist back quickly before hitting me in the face. I flew backwards and must have hit my head on the wall because in a matter of seconds I was out cold.

* * *

Opening my eyes was much harder than I remembered it being. There was a loud ringing sound in my ears and a constant throb at the base of my scull like someone was jabbing me with a stick from the inside. Everything was blurry and it was much too bright.

"Wake up." Tim Stringer's harsh voice slammed itself in my ears, causing me to reach up and cover them.

"Ahh. Not so loud."

"Do you want food or not?"

"Food?" Instantly my mouth started to water and my eyes shot open.

He threw a McDonalds bag at me then and I ripped through it, pulling out fries and a burger. I stuffed the food in my mouth as though I hadn't eaten in years. Actually I wasn't sure how long it had been since I'd eaten. Come to think of it, how did a man with a house arrest ankle guard get McDonalds. More importantly how did he get me?

"How did you get food?"

"You're pretty nosey."

"I'm a woman, it's my nature."

"True. I guess I could tell you. Not that it matters because you won't be around to tell anyone else." He leaned against the wall then, slipping down onto the floor. My bag of food was on my lap and I'd finished almost all of it in a matter of seconds. "I've got a friend who's some kind of computer genius. He figured out a way to trick the monitoring device so that I can add distance to my limit amounts. Instead of only being able to go fifty feet he tricks it in to thinking my distance is fifty miles."

"Well that explains a lot." I'd put all my trash in my bag and threw it across the room. "What day is it?"

"Tuesday."

"Tuesday? God, I was supposed to be at work yesterday at ten."

"Looks like you lost that job."

"Damn it. I actually liked that job too."

"You would have lost it anyways." A sickening smile formed on his face then. "Hard to go to work when you're dead."

Standing up he reached for the bag wrapper I'd thrown in the corner. "They'll catch you ya know. You under estimate them."

"You over estimate them."

I was alone then, with a stomach full of food and worry. What if he was right? No. I couldn't think that way. Ranger and Joe had always found me before when I disappeared. Of course there really was no reason for them to look at Stringer. He wasn't involved with me prior to this in any way, shape or form. Curling up in a ball again I started crying. _Get a grip_. I told myself. _For God's sake you're a Jersey girl._ Yeah, but I was a Jersey girl who was about to be killed. I think I could let this one slide.

* * *

"Letter time." Tim was standing above me, wearing jeans and a dirty Yankees shirt. "Today we need to kick it up a notch. They need to know just how serious I am."

"What am I supposed to write?" He'd pushed the supplies over to me and I put a two in the upper corner just as I had the day before.

"Tell them exactly how you feel. Don't hold back."

"These are guys I'm writing too, they don't want to hear about my emotions."

"Just do it." The gun was in his hands then, pointed straight at me. "Or do you want me to write it telling them the location of your dead body?"

"Okay, okay!" I spelled his last name out in my head, trying to come up with sentences that fit each letter.

Dear Ranger & Joe,

So, today I'm supposed to write and tell you how I feel. The truth is I feel horrible. Right now I have a throbbing headache from where it's been slammed into too many things. I actually have had a headache for two days now, and the days have blurred together. Now I feel sick, like I'm going to cry and puke all at the same time, and I probably will. Guess that's how I'm gonna feel for a while though, at least I'm still alive. Every second that goes by I think will be my last. Right now is the most scared I've ever been.

love you both,

Steph

"Now I want you to kneel down, and lean over the paper."

"Why?" My voice was trembling now and my palms started to sweat.

"Kneel down and lean over, or I'll make you."

I did what he asked, fighting to keep my body steady. My body was jolted to the side and blood fell out of my mouth onto the floor. He was standing over me, holding his gun. Using his shirt he wiped it off, and I realized he'd just hit me with it. The side of my face ached with pain, it felt like it was swelling up to three times its normal size.

"Once the blood on the paper dries, fold it up and put it in the envelope just like you did yesterday."

Now I understood. The blood was a sign, a way to let them know that my life meant nothing and he would end it in a heartbeat. I crawled back into the corner, cradling my face in my hand, trying to ignore the pain.

After I folded up the paper and sealed and labeled the envelope he took all the supplies out of the room, leaving the door open. This meant he was coming back, and the thought sunk into me and froze my bones. He crossed the room and pushed a dirty rag up to my mouth. I tried not to breath but it was no use. As I inhaled I sensed something familiar about the smell. The memory it brought back was recent, the night he kidnapped me. Once I'd made the connection I fell under, soaked in the dread that would be waiting when I woke up.

* * *

A/N Much thanks to my mommy who not only betas but takes me to Disney.

We've gotten a little dark here, but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, but sadly the end is also VERY near.

Thanks as always to those who have read, reviewed, followed, and the like. I'm so happy to have you all along for the ride.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

Time was a blur. I had no idea what hour it was, and I couldn't figure out the day of the week either. All I knew was that I had written five letters. Each one was harder than the one before, and demanded more. My brain had shut down, and my body was about to do the same.

Tim tired of my yelling and my constant crying, so once I was finished with my tasks he would use the chemical on the rag to knock me out. I'd wake up and start yelling again, he would feed me, then it would be back to the dark. Pretty easy to get confused when you spend all your time in a chemical induced sleep.

After he'd spilt my blood in the second letter he liked the way the power felt. The next time he cut off a chunk of hair, a piece of my dress, then it was a chuck of skin. My hand throbbed where he'd cut me, my face still felt slightly swollen, and my head felt like it was going to explode.

When I finally pulled myself out of sleep I realized something. My dress was gone. I was lying on the cold cement floor with my hands under my head, and I was naked. I panicked. I didn't cry, mostly because my tear ducts were so dried out they wouldn't work properly for at least another week. Instead I took in short jagged breaths, and pulled myself into the corner, tucking my knees to my chest.

"Morning." Tim was in the room, watching me in the dark. My eyes hadn't had time to adjust but I could feel him there, and it made my skin crawl. "Letter time."

He flipped the light on now and threw a blanket to me. It was thick and scratchy, but I pulled it tightly around myself. My supplies were laid out in front of me and I gathered them up. Marking the corner with a six.

"Today's the big day." A smirk formed on his face now and he rubbed his neck. The day before I'd tried to attack him. When he got close enough to me I grabbed the chain and pulled it around his neck, trying my best to choke him. Unfortunately my best wasn't nearly enough. "You really shouldn't have attacked me. I would have let you live at least a little while longer, but you had to go and screw it up. Such a shame too."

He ran his fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ears. Kneeling down he kissed my head, then my cheek, then my lips. I was frozen, unable to do anything except breathe. His hand slipped under the blanket and passed across the skin of my stomach and I pulled away. Scooting back across the room to my corner.

"I hope you're ready to write your goodbye letter, cause today is the day. So you better make it good, 'cause it's all you get."

Leaving the room he kept the door open and I slid back towards the stack of paper. I wasn't ready to die. I was more than ready to write the letter, mostly because I'd spent the last few days planning out exactly what I would say, but still, I didn't think I'd ever have to write the words. My mind was made up that Joe and Ranger would save me, that they would come back for me.

"Oh, by the way, before you write the letter I should probably tell you a little story." He sat down across from me then, staring in my eyes. "Just before I got caught I started this game. I bet you didn't know that did you?" I shook my head no, I had no idea what he was talking about. "I made up this plan to ruin Cop boys life, and I had to start out simple. One day I was at a bar and I ran into this crazy lady who would pretty much do anything for a spanking and a beer. So I told her what I wanted, and she came up with a plan. It was easy for her since she knew him, and honestly it couldn't have worked out any better if I'd done it myself."

"You mean?"

"Yep. Joyce was my puppet. She just _loves_ ruining your life, and since you were his whole life it was simple. The night you got drunk she went inside, dropped a little pill in his beer and when he passed out she planted all the evidence. Like I said, worked like a charm."

I was going to be sick. There was no doubt in my mind that what he was saying was true. Part of me had always believed Joe, and even when I was mad at him I still loved him. When Tim left I started my letter. Funny how the news he gave me should have changed everything, but it didn't. I still wrote exactly what I would have if I'd died thinking Joe was scum.

Dear Ranger,

I need you to know that I love you, and that no matter what this isn't Hal's fault, or yours. You can't always save me, that's not how life works. Deep down I know that you and I never would have ended up together, that's not how our paths were meant to go, but that doesn't mean I haven't enjoyed every minute of our time together. I will never regret any of it. I will never regret you.

Dear Joe,

First off please tell my family I love them. And tell Connie and Lula. Kiss Bob for me, and please take care of Rex, remember he likes pizza crust the best. Before I start I need to tell you that I know the truth and I know that nothing happened with Joyce. I know that deep down part of me always believed you, but I was too scared to trust you.

I need you to move on with life. I need you to be happy, and have a family because that is what you were meant to do. I realize that it was what I was meant to do too, and I was meant to do it with you. If I could go back and change things I would, I'd do anything if it meant a chance to spend my life with you. I'd give anything for just one more day with you. I love you, I always have.

To you both,

This is my last letter. I need you both to know that I'm sorry, and that I never meant to hurt either of you. You're all I ever cared about and I'll miss you both. Please forgive me.

Goodbye.

Steph

The tears that wouldn't come burned my eyes, and I fought to steady my hand. As I read over the words I wanted to crumble the paper, to rip it up and start over. It wasn't good enough, I owed them both more than that. Just as I was getting ready to start a new letter Tim flew in the room, picked up the paper and walked out the door.

"No! Wait! Please!" I needed more time, I needed to write more, to tell them more, explain to them more. But he was gone, and that was all I'd get. I wasn't sure what would happen then. If he would come right back and kill me, or wait until they received the letter. Part of me hoped for one, part for the other.

I was a complete and total mess. There was no mirror but I was sure I looked horrible. My hair was probably a rat's nest, my face had to be bruised and swollen. Not only was I naked, but I hadn't showered in almost a week, and between the vomiting and the sweating I smelled like death. Inside I was even worse off. My stomach felt like it had been separated from my body, and I was pretty sure I had an ulcer. The constant fear had me shaking so much that my spine felt off, not to mention the pain of sleeping on a concert slab floor. I was beaten and broken in every way possible, and the fact that I wasn't wearing anything had me worried I'd had more done to me than I realized.

The room was dark and I was huddled in the corner, eyes fixed on the door. I was trying so hard to make peace with reality, but I was too scared. I couldn't stop thinking about Ranger, my family, Joe, Rex, Bob. Their faces were swimming in my vision, keeping me from losing my mind. There seemed to be a lot of noise going on around me. I'd never heard sounds from the rooms outside of mine. Actually I didn't even know if there were any. For all I knew I was in a shed out in the middle of nowhere.

Everything got really quite, abnormally quite. Normally I could hear the hum of some kind of machine, maybe an air conditioner or humidifier, and the sound of water rushing through pipes, but now there was nothing. It was like whatever was around me had suddenly died, maybe it was some kind of foreshadowing for my life. The door flew open and a figure appeared, standing stock still holding a gun. That was the moment when my life flashed before my eyes, but all I really saw was Joe.

"Please! Please don't! I don't wanna die!" I was screaming, begging, pleading, trying anything to keep my heart beating just a few more minutes.

He dropped the gun and reached over to flip the light on. My heart practically flew out of my chest and my breath caught in my throat. Our eyes locked then, and I thought at any minute I might pass out. Crossing the room he stopped in front of me, dropping to his knees. My whole body was shaking, and I tried to reach out but I couldn't move. He pushed my hair behind my ears and I leaped forward, wrapping my arms around him, pulling him in as close as I could.

"Joe." The word had trouble finding it's way out of my throat because of all the emotion that was packed into it.

We were holding each other as tight as we could. He kissed every inch of my face, and I saw a single tear slid down his cheek. I reached up to brush it away and he grabbed my hand, looking it over as he held it in his. The chunk of skin that was missing was small, but the wound was infected, it smelled horrible, and felt worst. His face was easy to read then, it held no trace of anything but anger. What he wanted to do was go find Tim Stringer, and rip him limb from limb, and he would, if I didn't stop him.

"Please don't leave me." It was probably a selfish thing to do, but it would ensure that Joe wouldn't kill anyone. Him going to jail, even if just for a short period of time wasn't exactly how I wanted things to go.

"I'm so sorry."

"This isn't your fault." I placed my forehead against his. He kissed me then, softly, as though he were afraid that I would break if he used too much pressure. "Can we go home now?"

"Of course we can."

He yelled for backup then and Eddie Gazarra arrived with a few uniforms I didn't know. They brought down a power tool to cut the chain free, but couldn't find anything to get the shackle off my leg. Joe carried me out of the room and down a hall that lead to a living room where he set me on the couch and asked for some clothes. After he helped me pull on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt I was brought a coffee and some crackers.

There were people all around, some taking photos, others standing around talking and writing in notepads. Soon I'd have to go in and give a statement, recounting all the things I could remember, but not today. Today I was free and I could close my eyes and pretended nothing happened. Even better I could shower and brush my teeth and sleep in a real bed. All those things I'd taken for granted I could try to enjoy. But most important I could go home.

Joe was still sitting beside me, holding my hand tightly while a medical crew rolled inside and started looking me over. They asked me a bunch of medical history questions, filled out some paperwork and then started bandaging up my hand and face. One of the EMTs was a young woman and she leaned in to whisper in my ear.

"I need to know if you were raped at any point while you were captive."

"I," I was biting at the skin of my lip and I could feel Joe tense at my side. "I'm not sure. He'd knock me out with some kind of drug he put on a rag and today when I woke up I umm, I didn't have anything on."

"We'll have to give you a test then. It won't take very long, and we need to do it as close to time of assault as possible. We can use one of the spare rooms here to do it."

Morelli nodded at me, and as much as I didn't want to, I got up and walked away with her, turning back to look at him every step. He never moved, and never took his eyes off me. We went in a spare room that had nothing in it but a mattress pushed up against the wall. First she took a bunch of pictures, and since my clothes were missing she said she could skip a couple steps. I had the dirt scraped from my nails, but I wasn't sure what that would prove, I was passed out, so I wouldn't have fought back.

I had to lie on a piece of white paper that she put down on the mattress as she took samples, upon samples, upon samples. Finally she was finished and she sealed everything in a box and wrote my name and the date on it. According to her writing it was two in the morning, and it was officially Monday. She led me out of the room then and back to the couch were Joe was waiting for me.

Wrapping his arm around me he lead me outside. Looking around I realized where I was. This was Tim Stringer's house. All this time I had been so close to home, so close to everyone. I knew that this information had to be hard for everyone to accept because that meant the whole time I was right under their noses.

Ranger was standing on the curb leaning against his Porsche Turbo. He had stubble on his face and his shirt was untucked, his hair hanging loose. I'd never seen him look so unkempt before, and the sight was hard to stomach.

"Give me a minute?" I asked Joe as I kissed him on the cheek.

"I'll be waiting right here."

Ranger took a few steps toward me and hugged me, not squeezing too hard. Just like Joe he seemed to think I would break, maybe I would. We didn't talk for the first minute, instead we just stared at each other, refusing to even blink.

"You look like hell." I finally said, tucking his hair behind his ear.

"You don't look so good yourself."

"How did you find me?"

"It wasn't easy. When the signal in your purse and in the car went in the river we thought you'd gone along with it. Then two days later this letter shows up. At first we weren't even sure if it was really from you, but the lab ran some tests and confirmed it had your DNA all over it. The letters kept coming in but we had nothing. It wasn't until yesterday that we sat down and looked at them again. Pretty smart move to spell his name out with the sentences."

"Obviously it wasn't that smart if I couldn't help you figure it out sooner."

"Babe." He didn't want me to beat myself up, but I couldn't help it. It was just too easy.

"Did you get my last letter?" This was the part I was dreading. I didn't want to have to speak the words out loud, but at the same time I wasn't sure I was ready to let him go.

"We intercepted it at the post office before it got mailed out."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

He kissed me then. It was deep and soft, and pumped full of passion. My body was already weak, but it knocked me down even more. His hold tightened on me as he held me to him, and then it was over.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. This is your choice. Doesn't mean I don't still love you."

"I love you too."

"I'll see you around."

"Goodbye."

"Babe,"

He got in his car and left. Before I had a chance to cry, to even let it sink in that he was gone Morelli had me in his arms. The look on his face wasn't a happy one. It would be my luck that I would make my choice only to find out that in saying goodbye to one I ruined my chance with the other. I had to say something, and the words started rolling out of my mouth before I realized I'd spoken them

"I'm so sorry, you have to forgive me, I never meant-"

"Shh." He placed his finger against my lips, and kissed me on the cheek. "Let's just go home."

"Okay."

We got in his SUV and took the short drive to his house. Bob was waiting at the front door and when he saw me his tail started to move at warp speed. He didn't jump on me, or shove his head in my crotch when we got inside. Instead he rested his head on my lap when I sat on the couch. Somehow Bob knew what was going on.

"Did you really mean what you wrote in that last letter?" Morelli had gone into the kitchen and come back with two beers and an entire birthday cake that read Happy Birthday Russell.

"Yes." I didn't have to think about it, there was no doubt in my mind that I meant every word. "I love you." I'd made it through without even the slightest stutter. That had to mean it was true.

"You really wanna spend the rest of your life with me?"

"Yes. At least when I thought I was going to die I wanted too, but maybe that was just because the other option was to spend the rest of my life in the dirt."

"Funny. Glad to see you didn't lose that sense of humor."

"Look, I'm only going to say this once because you know how I feel about talking about marriage, and marriage in general. You were all I could think about while I was there. It was the thought of you that kept me going. I'm not saying I want to get married today, or even this week, but I know that I want to. I chose you, even before I found out that the whole Joyce thing was a scam. None of that mattered because I realized that I love you, and love means forgiving and forgetting."

"See, I told you I'd never have anything to do with Joyce."

We went upstairs after that and crawled under the covers. There was no talk of sex, and no attempts made. That wasn't what tonight was about. We'd have the rest of our lives to fulfill our urges. Tonight was just about being together, and being close. Tonight was the first night of the rest of our lives.

I slept soundly, not waking when he woke up, or when he climbed in the shower. It wasn't until I smelled the coffee that I finally stirred. My whole body was sore and stiff, some of me was swollen, some was painful, but all of me was alive. Heading downstairs I kissed the top of Bob's head when he came up to me and jumped on me, licking my face.

"I missed you too."

Joe was in the kitchen, clean and shaven. He poured a cup of coffee for me and set it on the table next to his. Also he had an empty bottle of pepto next to him, and a half eaten roll of Tums. When I sat down he kissed the top of my head, my forehead, each eyelid, my nose, pretty much my whole face.

"Did you sleep okay?" His eyes were full of concern.

"Perfectly. You?"

"Not a wink. Every time I closed my eyes I worried you'd vanish. I kept thinking that finding you was just a dream, and that if I went to sleep I'd wake up and you'd still be missing."

"Well sorry to burst your bubble but I'm really here, and now you're stuck with me. Just try and get me to leave."

He laughed slightly at that, but it was forced. "We have to go downtown today so you can talk to the detective who's in charge of the case. You know the drill, give your statement and all that."

"Who's in charge?"

"Me."

"Aren't you supposed to avoid cases where you have personal connection?"

"Yeah, but no one was about to try and take it from me."

"I can't imagine what the must have been like."

"Not nearly as bad as what you went through I'm sure." He leaned back in his chair then, running his hands through his hair. "God, at first we thought you were dead. Then when we got that letter I thought you were going to be killed, and it was all my fault. If I'd run after you, if I'd gotten downstairs just a second sooner I could have stopped all this. And worst of all, I thought you hated me."

"I can never say I'm sorry enough for that."

"You don't need to apologize to me, I almost got you killed."

"That's not true. I shouldn't have overreacted about the whole Joyce thing. If I just talked to you, listened to you," I could feel the emotions coming back to me, and I was going to cry. "Look, I don't want you to blame yourself, okay? I can't live with that. So let's just not talk about it right now."

"Okay. Are you ready to go?"

"Let me just go change."

Traipsing back up the stairs I hoped this would all be over with quickly. I knew that I'd have to tell my story, but I hoped it would be to an officer I only knew in passing. More than anything I was dreading having to explain everything to Morelli. This would not only make him feel even worse, it would crush him.

We toke his SUV downtown, which looked perfectly fine. I'd have to remember to tell Grandma Mazur that luckily she was wrong about the bologna thing. I realized then that I hadn't seen my family, or even spoken to them since I came home. In all the drama my mind was solely focused on Joe.

"Can we stop at my parents' house?"

"Of course."

He pulled a u-turn then and doubled back to the Burg. When we pulled up my mother and grandma were both at the door, and instead of waiting for me they burst through the screen door. They both smothered me with hugs and kisses, checking over every inch of visible skin. My mother had her hands on my cheeks, tears streaming out of her eyes. She turned to Joe then, holding onto my hand tightly as she turned to him.

"Joseph." Her voice was strong, and I cringed back slightly from the sound of it. "Thank you for saving her."

"I'd say I was just doing my job, but it was more than that."

"And I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I should have known this whole Joyce fiasco was a scam."

Grandma Mazur stepped up to him then, scrunching up her face, looking him over intently. "I guess I'm sorry too."

"Don't mention it."

She looked over his car, studying it over. "No paint missing huh?"

"Not a scratch." He winked at her and we left after promising to come back for dinner.

We were almost to the cop shop and I could feel the sweat forming on my neck. "I can't do this."

"Everything's gonna be fine. I'll be right there with you."

"That's why I can't do this. Look, I know you're going to hear all about it and read the report, but I just can't talk about this in front of you. It's hard enough to look in your eyes right now with you blaming yourself. Sitting there and telling you what I went through isn't something I ever want you to have to deal with."

He reached over and took my hand then, lacing his fingers in mine. "I'll see if I can get one of the other guys to sit with you while I go finish up all the paperwork."

"Thanks."

"You know I'd do just about anything for you."

"Just about?" My eyebrows rose slightly, and I felt a smile form on my face.

"Yeah. I'll tell you all about the things I won't do once I get you home and naked."

"Can't wait."

"Me either."

* * *

A/N So I know it has been over a year since I updated this, but with only this chapter and the EPI left, I felt like I owed it to you all to see it through to the end.

That being said, I'm not sure how many of you will even bother to read this chapter, or even remember my little story.

I'm a horrible updater, forgive me.

And to all those on Ranger's side. Forgive me.

To my Beta and mother, forgive me for not getting this up in a more timely manor, but you of all people know how much of a procrastinator I am.

Reviews are always accepted, though I'm not sure I really deserve them after all this time.


	12. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Janet Evanovich owns all characters, though if I could, I'd own Morelli. Ranger too.

* * *

Off in the distance I heard an alarm buzzing but my arms couldn't find the table to turn it off. A hand slid across me and a grunt sounded as there was a slamming noise and the buzzing stopped. Morelli rolled back over and pulled me close to him, nuzzling his nose into my neck.

Bob barked and leapt off the bed but toppled over when he hit the ground, as his body wasn't quite as awake as his brain. I blew out a sigh, pried myself loose and searched through the mess of a room for something to wear. Pulling on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt I followed Bob down the stairs and hooked his leash on his collar.

When we made it back inside there was fresh coffee on the table for me and a bowl of dog crunches on the floor for Bob. Morelli was sitting at the table thumbing through some files. He looked better than he had two months ago, but the stress from the events was still visible on his face. The fact that I was once again working for Vinnie probably added some to this, but it wasn't my fault that I'd lost my job at Victoria's Secret. You'd think they could cut a girl some slack for missing a week of work. After all, it wasn't like I didn't want to go, but being held captive kind of makes it hard to show up for a job.

"What's the paperwork?" I asked as I pulled my chair close to him, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Files for the Tim Stringer case." His hand wrapped around me, pulling me close to him in a protective manor.

Just then nausea pulsed through my stomach and I ran upstairs to the bathroom. I figured it was either a reaction to the name and the memories it brought up, or the last leftover bits of the food poising I'd gotten the night before. Just my luck that no one else would get food poisoning but me.

Morelli knocked on the door before opening it. I was standing at the sink, gripping the sides tightly as he held a cold washcloth to the back of my neck. Leaning in he kissed the top of my head, holding his lips to my scalp for several minutes. His hand brushed up and down my back and I fought back the urge to be sick again.

"You okay?" His voice was a whisper and it shook as he spoke.

"Yeah, fine." I walked into the bedroom then, sitting on the edge with my hands in my lap and my head down.

"Maybe you should go to the doctor. You've been having a hard time keeping things down lately." He was next to me then, holding my hand between his. "I worry about you."

"I know, and I think you may need a doctor too. No one should eat that many Tums in a day."

"I'm serious Stephanie."

"Alright, I'll go today. Happy?"  
"Not yet, but I will be."

He pulled me into him then and kissed me. It was hot and passionate and filled with lust. His hands were all over me, pulling off the clothes I'd just put on. He had to be at work in twenty minutes so he rushed, but he made sure before he left that we were both very, very happy.

It was seven o'clock and Joe wasn't home yet. I'd ordered subs from Pino's and was pacing the living room, jumping at the sound of every passing car. Bob was faking sleep on the carpet as he eyed the bag of food, his nose twitching every time I passed and sent a wave of smell in his direction.

When the door finally opened Bob rushed out, lifted his leg then barreled back inside. He sat down in front of the couch, tongue hanging out, drool pooling up below him. It was finally dinnertime.

Joe dropped his gun on the table and grabbed two beers from the fridge. He kissed the top of my head and sat down on the couch. Instantly the TV was on and he started searching for some form of sports game. We both started eating and he took a few swigs from his beer. I sipped from my glass of water and just as he turned to say something to me the doorbell rang.

"Don't people know it's dinner time?" He sighed as he got up, turning the volume down before tossing the remote onto the seat next to me.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" I could hear the shock in his voice and I got up to go see what was going on.

"Good evening Stephanie." She smiled at me I and I smiled back, greeting her in proper burg fashion. "Mother and I were in the neighborhood and we thought we'd stop over and see how things were."

"Don't lie to them, you know exactly why we're here." Grandma Bella poked her head around the corner just then, casting the full weight of her eyes directly upon me. My stomach lurched and I covered my mouth in order to keep my dinner down. "Joseph, I'm very disappointed in you, but as you're my favorite I felt I had to come and personally congratulate you."

"Congratulate me?" His face was filled with a mixture of confusion and annoyance. I could hear his stomach grumbling, longing for the rest of that meatball sub. My stomach on the other hand was in knots, and the thought of meatballs had it twisted up so tight it was starting to ache.

"Yes of course."

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Do you Steph?"

I couldn't open my mouth so instead I shook my head no, which was a bad idea because it made the whole room spin. Reaching out I warped my fingers around the back of Joe's shirt to keep my balance.

"Of all the lies! And to tell them to your grandmother at that! Well! Let me just say I for one will not be attending the baby's shower!" With that she stormed off. Joe's mom apologized and chased after her.

At that point I couldn't handle it and I ran upstairs to the bathroom. What a waste of a perfectly good meatball sub. Oh crap, I shouldn't have thought about food. Uhh.

"Steph, you okay?"

"No."

The door opened and he peaked inside. "You went to the doctor today right?"

"Yes."

"Is it contagious?"

"No."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm," The words swirled in my head as the food swirled in my stomach. I knew I'd just have to spit them out quickly or they'd be lost in a sea of up chuck. "I'm pregnant."

"What?!"

"Believe in Grandma Bella's eye now?"

* * *

A/N

So there it is. Finally finished.

Thanks to everyone who ever reviewed this/read this/liked this/alerted this. All that stuff.

It means the world to me. Coming back to this I realized just how much I missed the Plum series, and I've been toying around with the idea of doing a Lulu/Grandma Mazur story.

We'll see though. Only time will tell.

And of course, thanks to my Beta mother, who is on her way to my house as I type this, hopefully bringing along the desire to cook me dinner.


End file.
